Mommy's Bed

Early (too early) last Saturday morning, I was wide awake in bed. Pregnancy insomnia had stricken again. I had just popped a few more Tums in my mouth and settled back down into a horizontal position once I could assure that I wouldn't jolt right back up to combat a new bout of reflux.

As I settled in, my gaze rested on the three sleeping forms in my bed with me.

Snuggled right up next to me, as close as he could get, my little man. Somewhere around 2:30 he had awoken and started tiny sobs in his new, beloved, big boy bed. I went in to check on him, rubbed his back and sang him his favorite song, "Twinkle, Twinkle".

He settled down, but pretty quickly looked up at me with a little frown and sad eyes and said, "Mommy's bed, please?"

And as those still-just-chubby-enough-at-the-elbow arms reached up to me, I just said, "Ok, Buddy."

To Mommy's bed we went.

Soon after, I heard the unmistakeable pad of little feet heading my way. By the time I looked over my shoulder and opened my eyes, there was a little face with sleep tousled blonde curls peeking at me.

"Can I come snuggle in Mommy's bed?" my baby girl asked with the unmistakeable signs of heavy sleep in her throat and eyes.

"Sure, baby, why don't you climb over on Daddy's side?"

And, up into Mommy's bed she went.

So, a short while later, as I laid there unable to sleep, I looked around at my bed.

There was my little spider monkey sleeper snuggled right in next to me who had drifted off in record time. He's been like that since he was born. So long as he is up against my chest, he is the sleepiest kid in the world. And there he stays. Move away and he clings right back to you. Or to me. Because really, it's only to me. Face to my chest, and shins to my legs.

Growing like a weed, that one, I thought to myself. Those shins used to curl against my belly.


Beyond him, the splayed out sleeping beauty of my little ladybug. Arms stretched out above her head, blonde curls falling all over the face that holds those impossibly long and dark lashes and that tiny ski jump nose. That face, so full of expression each and every moment of the day at the very intense and constantly emotional age of three, looking just like she did as a newborn once she is asleep. Calm and serene. Thoughtful even, with her eyebrows slightly raised.

I see now, why mothers can always find the faces of their babies in their children, regardless of age.


And the third figure? That would be the snoring dog - belly up, tongue splayed out of his mouth at the feet of the kids. Our first baby, I sometimes joke. Our poor, displaced, first child.


Daddy was on duty, and nowhere to be found in Mommy's bed.


All too often, now it seems, my bed partners are the little folks that make my heart go pitter pat and have made it grow in more ways than I thought possible, but not the one that first made it explode with the fireworks of love.

Such is this chapter in our life, and in our love.


I don't know where along the way the kids had started referring to our bed as only "Mommy's Bed." But they had, and it had stuck. I like to think that it is because they still reach for me in the night, more so than because of their Daddy's frequent absence.

That it would have been called Mommy's Bed even without the consistent duties and deployments. For, as much as Daddy is their very favorite playmate during the day, when they want comfort from bad dreams or restlessness in the dead of the night - it is me they want to "nuggle" against.


And then, there was someone else there, too. Making their little presence known with great insistence. A new little life - who I will incomprehensibly love as much as these other tiny humans, but I don't yet even know - pummeling me from the inside.

My fierce ladybug. My sweet little man. This bouncing ball inside.

"Who will you be like, little one?" I thought to myself as I rested a hand on those kicks and flips going on inside me, cherishing a moment of quiet between me and this new baby. There were so many of these peaceful moments when I was pregnant with Evelyn, but they are much harder to come by with this new one.

Yet, I laid there - peaceful, content, and sleepless - in this moment.


And as the sun began to shine light through the window, I knew it meant that the other half of my heart would come back to us soon. He might even be on his way now, disembarking from that giant ship and walking toward home, a little faster than he normally might, both of us wondering what adventures the day would bring.

But first, I knew he would quietly unlock the door, put down his things and quickly stride up those stairs to climb in with us. We would hold hands and think the same thought about how once, not too long ago, he would come home to just me - usually with hot coffee in hand - and the snuggling would have been a little different.

Today though, we would meet each others eyes above sleeping heads and silently agree to cherish the quiet of the morning, in Mommy's bed.



Evelyn Rae is three and a half, Liam is uncomfortably close to two, and I am 33 weeks pregnant with G3.

…and these are the days, the seemingly endless ones that will in fact end all too soon. Sometimes I just need a reminder.

28 weeks

*I'm just gonna post this over here on time like it's not the very first bump date I have done this entire pregnancy. Let's roll with it. Thank God for self timed cameras.*

Skin

Pretty good - Japan is a *lot* drier in the winter than Virginia was, which is crazy, because island, right? - but I think it's maybe the heaters? Not sure. But everyone is experiencing the same, if the availability and variety of humidifiers at each and every store is any indication. I have been trying to pamper my skin a bit more, call it vanity at the ripe old age of 30, so it's been feeling better as of late.

Weight/Clothes

I have been embracing loungewear a lot more this go round. Probably because I am mostly…at home. I have been getting dressed and going out and twice this week was told I make pregnancy ooh adorable - which is super nice to hear, but still, strangers commenting on bodies…weird. I weigh way more than I did when pregnant with Liam at this stage, but I don't feel like I look it, so…we shall see how that goes. My midwives assure me all is on track, and I do have to remember that I started at my all tim high of pre pregnancy weights this go round, but le sigh anyways. This may in fact be the highest gaining pregnancy. Crossing my fingers that isn't the case.

Cravings/Aversions

Eh. Food. I like it. No cravings.

Cramps/Pain

Im having some cramping and painful moments when laying down and shifting positions at night, but other than that, only if I really over exert myself during the day.

Sleeping

Starting to be more and more uncomfortable. The heartburn is not good and I am starting to wish I had a Snoogle, but my cheap self probably won't buy one because, hello, almost done already. The comfort level of my sleep could have a lot to do with two toddlers pretty consistently crawling into bed with us as well.

Heartburn

Up and down. Most days, up. Taking Zantac as needed and combining with Tums when I need to. Blerg.

Fetal Movement

Off and on. Swift kicks to the innards every time I think about the fact that I haven't felt a kick in a while…but then again it may just be that I am too busy to intentionally think about it and my placenta is in the front. G3 kicked the doppler at my midwife appt today though when she pressed down hard, which was pretty hilarious.

The Girls

Never in my life have I felt such an urge to go braless. It's really helping my put together, let's get out of pajamas attitude, let me tell ya.

New this time around

I am eating sushi. We live in Japan. All the preggos do here. (Even though the naval hospital still strongly recommends against it, yadda yadda.) The broiled salmon with basil sauce at our local establishment is TO DIE FOR. So good.

Oh yeah, this again.

Discomfort. Trouble bending. Out of breath at the top of the stairs. Realizing that my body will not be my own again for a good long while. Etc. Etc.

Mental State

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I am missing my family and traditions (and grandparents to help out with toddlers who insist on injuring each other with the fierceness of their emotions) while at the same time so starting to deeply enjoy this experience and opportunity for our little family. Plus hormones. 

It is a strange time in my head and heart.

Typical.

Evelyn Rae is three, oh so very three, Liam is almost two, what the actual heck, and I am 28 weeks along with Baby G Number 3

…and that means third trimester. Guess we'd better stop using the baby's room as a storage area. Oops!

28 weeks last go round. And the time before that.

 

Working on it.

I have some goals.

For example, to be caught up on finally posting all of Liam's monthly updates and photos…you know, the ones from over a year ago? …before this baby is born.

And you know, maybe before Christmas.

And to maybe get some bump photos or some sort of documentation of this pregnancy up before announcing that we have a new baby.


So…I'll just be quietly updating back posts over here. And maybe some new stuff. Maybe.


{Like the new background and header. That poor pregnant lady in yellow. She was just supposed to be temporary until I, you know, had my baby and wasn't pregnant anymore. Alas. Here she remains.}


If you subscribe or have a feedly thing set up, you should see the old posts as they go up, even though they are back dated. If not…just poke around a bit. Like today I posted his 9 month update. You know. A few months late. Just a few.


{{Insert embarrassed emoji here}}


And I started a new label, where you will find the first couple of posts I had saved in draft from finding out about G3. Click on the label on this post "III" and it should show them all. All two. From like, July.



Until next time, friends.



Evelyn Rae is three and almost a half, Liam is 22 months (!!!) old, and I am 26.5 weeks along with G3

…and that is almost out of the second trimester, kids. STFU.

Why am I so tired?

Oh, right.


Evelyn Rae is (so, so) 3 years old, Liam is *almost* 22 months old, and I am 25 weeks pregnant with Baby G Number 3

…and sometimes I like to brush up on my Excel skills. You know, for fun.

Creeping.

*I am fully aware that I have so many things to catch up on, but I'm gonna go ahead and just write this anyways, because I feel like it. And that's how this whole shebang started in the first place.*

We have officially been without our things for two months. Two months ago, the packers and movers arrived and boxed up our whole lives. You know, minus the suitcases and carry-ons that we brought with us, which even though my mother in law claimed looked like enough stuff to be the Beverly Hillbilles, has been woefully sparse.

And then, we set off on our journey.

There have been so many exciting and "We are in Japan!" moments along the way. Trying to find our way about in just our "small" little town of Yokosuka, let alone our mini adventures to Yokohama, Kamakura and Tokyo, has been filled to the brim with a feeling of strange, new and happy adventures that only the new can bring.

All that being said, as a new friend very honestly admitted - thankfully - when we arrived, it is the little stuff that will creep up on you. And indeed, it has been the little stuff. Sure there have been bigger issues and stresses along the way - hello trying to close on a house while across the globe and in direct opposite of all business hours!

It's the little stuff that seems silly admitting, but the 8+ weeks without routine, or your things in a new country are…sort of crazy. Trying to get kids back to a routine when they haven't been on one since… July? and doing it without any of the things that make them feel "at home"? Not for the faint of heart.

Life without trashcans or a toaster, or a coffee maker…or even bath towels…let alone your own bed - also not for the faint of heart. It allows you a bunch of time, too much time, to focus on the little things making you feel uncomfortable in every day life.

{Especially when you just made everything in the last house perfect…and your new house has even more little things that you dislike and can't change. The transition from homeowner to "renter" is…tough for me.}

We have been so grateful for the things that do allow you to transition to this life a bit easier - loaner furniture from the Navy, Fleet and Family services having loaner kits with some plates and silverware and (very basic) cooking utensils. New friends. Being able to keep in touch with old friends. Lots of Skyping and Facetiming with family.

But there is nothing that will throw you for a loop like realizing that you are completely illiterate in a culture that seems to move at lightning speed. The Japanese language is comprised of three alphabets. With thousands of character combinations.

…None of which we recognize.

Thankfully, there is quite a bit of "Romaji" or romanized Japanese out in town - meaning that the Japanese words are written in familiar letters (to us) and we can sort of sound things out. This is especially helpful at train stations when identifying where to get on or off. Or you know, on road signs when driving about out in town on the left side of the road. Yikes!

The Japanese people have all been so friendly, and we have learned a handful of terms to help us get through without feeling like we are impeding upon too many folks.

But it is completely surreal to look around and realize that you now live in a country where you cannot even sound out signs. Ha!

There has been quite a bit of progression on the cultural adjustment spectrum.

But it hasn't just been adjusting to Japanese culture. There has also been an interesting transition to immersed military culture. For a girl who hasn't lived on a military base since she was seven years old - over twenty years ago, mind you - it has been…interesting.

I have been so grateful that there are such a collection of women ready and willing to embrace and be open to new friendships. We are all in the same boat, after all…or rather our spouses are, haha! Navy joke! There have been social clubs that have had plenty of introductory events right on the timeline of us arriving which has also been wonderful.But as we were just discussing the either day - every thing you try to do, is a "thing", or quickly becomes one.

There are no choices for anything, and I am spoiled by a culture of choices. There is one commissary (even though I have begun doing a bunch of food shopping off base) and it may or may not carry your favorite food items or brands. Varies by day. There is one post office. And the hours are wonky. And you have to go there to pick up your mail because there is no delivery service. Which means that with kids in tow, something as simple as picking up your mail seems…daunting.

Many places on base only accept cash (which is super common in town, Japan is a cash based economy - Dave Ramsey's dream) - and some places only accept American dollars rather than US currency or Japanese currency. Which means my wallet is constantly filled with a mixture of paper and coins that may or may not go together. For a girl who has been a religious debit card user…pretty much my entire life…this has been a tough hoop to jump through.

All offices seem to take a lunch break and close down at the same time…and they all close by 4. Before A left for the ship we remarked and reflected so many times that it was a good thing indeed I wasn't planning on working while being here, because everything "business" related for a family has to occur during working hours.

That being said - base life is so convenient in many, many ways. There are like 200 playgrounds on this tiny little stretch of land, and the kids and I have visited almost all of them. There are some comforts of home, including a Starbucks (which of course only takes cash, isn't Gold Card member compatible and does not have pumpkin spice lattes - I'm holding out hope for a Peppermint Mocha come winter. Cross your fingers for me!).

As in the rest of life, there are plenty of pros (Japanese foods! The sushi y'all. Wow. New cultural experiences! Adventure around every turn!) and cons (being far from family, no Target, language barriers) but it is all part of the adjustment and experience.

As we let go of some of our routine comforts, the adjustment becomes easier. I think it will be aided even further by finally being able to begin feeling "at home" when our belongings arrive early next week - the dorm lounge loaner furniture, while immensely appreciated, can only go so far in making you feel cozy and well rested.

In any case, we are here, and we are adjusting. We are finding ourselves more and more comfortable on and off base. Making small strides here and there. Not being too hard on ourselves.

Just trying to keep the creeping at bay, by recognizing the small stuff, acknowledging and moving on so that we have the capacity to enjoy all the opportunity at our fingertips.




Evelyn Rae is 3, Liam is 1.5 and I am 18.5 weeks along with Baby G3

…and there is certainly more adventure to come.

Here we are!

Well folks, we've done it. We have moved to Japan.

I am still slightly in awe of this gigantic change in our lives and that for the most part - minus the actually having all of our stuff - we are through the majority of the hard parts of this move.

{Crosses fingers, knocks on all the wood}

It has taken me a while to get back on here, mainly because everything was coming up in Japanese for a while! Ha. Silly inter webs.

Clearly we are all still moving through this transition. The kiddos have been in RARE form, let me tell you. The sleeping has been rough, the behavior has been rough and well…it's all been very roller coaster-ish.

And just when we think they are settling in we throw a new curveball at them. Like, Daddy leaving to join his ship.

Which he did a week ago.

I have been hearing all sorts of terrible, heartstring pulling phrases from my darling three year old since Daddy has been gone:

"I want to go back to Norfolk!"
"I want my friends to live here too!"

and the real kicker

"This is not our home!"

Cue all the sadness and all the preggo hormonal tears.

...Oh, right. That.

On the off chance we aren't friends on Facebook, or you don't follow me on Instagram - we are expecting Baby G Number 3! Due to arrive St. Patrick's Day, 2015.

Year of Adventure, indeed!

Needless to say I have tons of catching up to do.

All those last monthly updates of Liam's first year... which are now about a year late.
All those last few house photos… which will probably make me cry.
AND all those bump photos/updates from this go round! Spoiler alert: We have been terrible about taking photos every week, so they will be truncated. Poor Baby 3.

Now that I can use the internet in English, I'm hoping to be back around this space more often to share our adventures with you.


Evelyn Rae is three, Liam is 19 months, and I am currently 17 weeks along with BG3!

…and - we live in Japan. Weird.

Goodbye Twenties, it's been real.

Tomorrow, I turn the big 3-0.

In honor of the eve of the big occasion, and saying goodbye to a decade that taught me so much, here are the top 20 things I learned in my 20's.

1. It is ok to be honest. Whether that is with yourself or others, a little tact and honesty can go a much longer way than agreeing to things because you feel guilty or have a need to be the "Yes." person. Admit the hard stuff. Be genuine. Be you. It will still give you anxiety, but it's way less anxiety producing and better in the long run.
2. The perfect ratio of cream is essential to a good cup of coffee, and there is no easier way to ruin a good cup of coffee than by making it too sweet. Ick.
3. You really can push a baby out of your lady bits. Who knew? And, it comes out a real, live person. Crazytown.
4. Related: Pregnancy is not my favorite state of being, and that is ok. It is emotional and hard and exhausting and nausea inducing. And though it will prepare you for motherhood, not liking being pregnant is in no way a reflection that you will not like motherhood.
5. At the beginning of my 20's I wanted nothing more than to be out with people having fun and achieving things all the live long day. {In fact, when I turned 20, I became a sorority president, so yeah. All that that entails.} But as time wore on, I came to be able to really enjoy quiet time at home, by myself {/with small children who endlessly need your time and attention}.
6. I am a better person when I find time read.
7. And travel. Let's go see the world.
8. My children are the only people in the world that can drive me so completely and totally nuts - and then wash it all completely away with a quick kiss on the cheek. Poof. Bad mood gone.
9. It may - in fact - be a life long journey to try and get addicted to running. I've been trying since I was in middle school - still haven't gotten there.
10. That goes for water, too. Still trying to be a better water drinker. The struggle is real when all you want in life is a fountain Diet Coke with crushed ice and a wedge of lemon.
11. Marriage is tough sometimes - even if your spouse is your absolute best friend, you were together for 8 years and lived together for two of them before you got married. Being a grown up is hard work, and being intrinsically linked to another human while being a grown up, with their own thoughts, feelings and opinions that may differ from you is challenging and reassuring…all at the same time. 
12. I can sew things. Like pillows. And clothes. And crib bumpers. And it is fun. So domestic.
13. Hangovers are way worse as time goes on. {I imagine that this will probably be present in ten years when I reflect on the things I learned in my 30s.}
14. I am content to have a really good meal be the entirety of the program for a night out. No need to see a movie, go to a show, whatever. {Though I still love those things} But a great meal - appetizers through dessert - to be savored and not rushed, that is something that soothes my soul.
15. Your metabolism really does slow down as you age. Screw you, biology.
16. I will probably never be the girl who leaves a party early or goes to bed at a reasonable time. Eh. It is what it is.
17. Glorifying busy is really just terrible and exhausting. Our culture really beats this into you, and it is just soul consuming. This is something I am trying to conquer about myself every day.
18. The right angle in a photograph really makes all the difference. Same goes for the right attitude, though.
19. Confidence ebbs and flows in every facet of life. This is normal. But when you feel it ebbing away, learn what helps you to stockpile it back up. And then go do that. Nothing will solve problems like confidence.

and finally -

20. I will probably never, ever feel like a "real" grown up. 

Fake it 'till you make it, I say. 

Cheers, friends.

Evelyn Rae is 3, Liam is 17 months, I am signing off on my 20s

…and I am pretty ecstatic about the decade to come.