Feelings

Well, we are still playing the waiting game. And, wait we shall.

I have no idea if I am KU'd or not. At this point I feel pretty ok with that. A friend asked me this weekend, "Do you feel pregnant?"

After reflecting, no, I most undoubtedly do not feel pregnant. But, how does one feel pregnant?

In my heart of hearts, I don't think that I am. And, I am pretty ok with that. I know that our timing (gah) wasn't all that great this month, since we are intentionally trying to be unintentional. We are weirdos. I am aware.

It is sort of fun though to see what is going on. it is like a little mystery with tiny clues that could mean a million things when you are charting. For example, today I had a little dip in temperature, after being way up from my last post for the last four days. Does that mean I am not? Who knows. It could or it couldn't.

At this point I am almost viewing these clues as a third party. Sort of clinically evaluating all of the options. And, even control freak that I can be sometimes, I am sort of fine with it. (It being the not knowing).

The same friend asked why in the heck I hadn't peed on a stick yet. Well, I thought about it and here is why. Sometimes knowing more isn't all that great. If, in fact, I am late, and if in fact I am late enough to merit peeing on a stick, then I will. If Aunt Flo comes to visit, then I won't. No harm, no foul.

Does that make me less excited? I don't think so. But the more and more research I do, the more I learn about chemical pregnancies and early stage miscarriages that women who are hoping for a baby are heartbroken over, when they wouldn't have known anything was out of the ordinary if they hadn't jumped to pee on a stick so early.

I don't think I can deal with that sort of emotional range in the span of a few days. Not that I can't deal with those specific emotions per say, but I don't think I would be able to keep myself from going all "Baby Rabies" (great blog!) if I knew that that had happened. (You see what had happened was...)

Does that make any sense?

So, while we can still take it easy during these first few months in this new land of tryingforababy (gah! say it really fast and maybe no one will notice you are talking about it...), we will.