Well, this sucks.

Booo. I just got done with my one hour glucose test and I failed.

Sad faces.

On top of everything else I got the nurse who is so brusque today (she is the sort where she asks you questions and no matter how you answer you feel like you are giving the wrong one...even when she asked, "So, have you felt the baby moving?" I was like "Yup! All the time!" and she gave me this look and I suddenly felt the need to add "well, not right now, but...a lot"). Anywho, she pricked my finger and then she was all like "Welp, you failed. Sit here to wait to see the midwife."

Dang it! I am so disappointed. I know, I know, plenty of people who fail the first test go on to pass the second. But still. I hate feeling like a failure. Boo.

The midwife Beth was really nice about it, and comforting, which helped. She said everything else looks great, I haven't had any problems with anything and that I shouldn't be nervous about the 3 hour test. She kept asking me if I had more questions and I was so Eeyore-like that I just kept saying "No" and sighing.

Of course now there are tons of questions rolling around in my head.

"How does this happen?"
"What should I do between this week and next?"

The part that kills me is that I seriously thought I would fly through this test. All the little check boxes and crap for me were all "No". Family history of diabetes? Nope. Sugar in my urine before now? Nope. High blood pressure? Nope (122/60 today). Old? Nope. Overweight? Nope. Exhaustion? Nope. Frequent Urination? Nope.

Dang it, dang it, dang it.

So anyway, after the test, I went home and had a good cry (because I am an emotional pregnant lady and I can). Bings licked my face and I felt better. And now here I am at work. I feel like kids with ADHD must feel, and have felt that way since I drank that stupid drink. I can't really focus on anything (so, sorry if this is jump-y). I totally should have done this earlier in the week so as to not ruin my weekend. Boo.

They gave me this sheet of directions about my diet for the next test. I have to eat lots of carbs. No idea why. I have to fast before the test so they can get a fasting level and then they prick me every hour for three hours and measure. Gah.

Here is the thing: I am diabetes dumb. I seriously have no knowledge beyond my years reading Stacy's story in The Baby-sitters Club...and that ain't much.


Well, I am not going to count chickens, and now that this is all out I can hopefully move on with my day.


28 weeks, 1 day along

...and I am going to go Google the heck out of all this stuff.

Two down...

...and one to go!

Trimesters, that is. How crazy is that?

Today I am 28 weeks which marks the beginning of the third trimester.

HOLY CRAP! We are having a baby in +/- 12 weeks! Oh Lawd.

Seriously though, we are so excited! I am still feeling pretty good - we have been out enjoying the nice weather and walking the last few days, trying to eat a little healthier, you know, the uze.

A insists that this is my procrastinator behavior "cramming" for my glucose test tomorrow morning and keeps telling me that this is one test I cannot cram for. Ha! What do you know husband?

But, I promise, I am not trying to cram. I just am feeling good lately, and there is nothing wrong with that. Spring and Summer weather always brings on my desire to eat better and be outside and active, so why would it be any different now? I will go into more details on the 28 week recap tomorrow.

The biggest and best "Happy Third Trimester" news is that - dun dun dun, someone offered to take A's watch days! Yay! Now he can come to birthing classes with me! He will still miss 2/6, but that is way better than only COMING to 2/6! I am writing a very nice thank you note to the man who offered to swap with him and contemplating baking him some cookies. Yay!

Anyway, we still have a lot to do to prepare, but I am getting pretty excited for this little one to get here so that I can meet the person beating my innards to a pulp.

I finally snuck some time on the scanner at work today (shh!) and have some ultrasound photos to share!

Sorry for the quality - scanner at work is no bueno. 

(Is that right? I took French.)

These are the 20 week ones, which if you remember, they weren't too happy with , which is why we only got two printouts (besides the video). 

The first is of baby's spine and the best sort of profile that they could get. 

The second is looking at baby's heart in a cross section. Heart rate to the right.

And a mere 4 weeks later:

24 weeks!

According to all my weekly calendars, Baby G has doubled in weight since this last photo, which would seem crazy other than the fact that I know Baby has to be bigger from all the rib kicking I have been getting.

Exciting times!

28 weeks along

...and I felt my first Baby hiccups last night.

Birth Photography

First, thank you so much to all of the kind comments, emails and messages about birth classes - they really made me feel like I was not just a crazy pregnant lady going all hormonal on this situation. And the offers to come with! Thanks friends.

Hopefully we will be looking at a smaller percentage of missed classes from A, as he sent out a plea for help on the ship to see if he could trade watch days with someone. That would mean he would only miss two of the classes, which is much, much better.

So, to combat all of that craziness, today's post is about something that I am super pumped to experience...

Birth Photography.

I may have wavered about maternity photos, but I never wavered about birth photography. Now, before you get all shudder-y and grossed out (as I once was too, I promise you), Let me make my case.

I am not talking about all of the close up crowning "Miracle of Life" type photos you may have seen in health class in 7th grade. Birth photography can be that too, for those who are interested, but it can also be a very visual way to tell a story. That story being the day your child is born.

Some of my favorite images from around the interwebs as proof:

I love the blog this momma writes...and her birth story is beautiful.

The photos tell the most beautiful story of the day.

All those photos taken by the lovely Marla from this duo.

This one just gets to me. Mayhap it's the uniform.

from here

So sweet!

from here

This video is a slideshow of beautiful photos from the birth story told here:

The Homebirth of Lucia Mae from Sara Janssen on Vimeo.

The photos of the grandma and big sister around the 5 minute mark slay me.

If you ever happened to follow Weddingbee the way I did, Mrs. Avacado aka, That Wife has a great slideshow here too.

Now, how could those images be anything other than cherished? I am sure the families have some more "private" shots that they wouldn't want for the world to see on the internet, but the point is - they have them. Trust that I am not trying to have all these photos on Facebook, or even on this blog for the world to see. A selected few? Sure. The point of this is that I want these photos for myself. 

Different hospitals vary vastly on being able to photograph or even videotape births, mainly due to malpractice suits, though I can totally see how the care of the mom and baby is the.most.important.thing, so they don't want extra bodies in the way that don't need to be there. 

There is an interesting article you can check out here on the differing trends in policies. Probably goes to show why most birth photos on the web are from home births rather than hospital ones. 

Our hospital policy actually states that we can't have third-party photographers in the room, or any video of any kind. Since I will be preoccupied, you know, having a baby, and A is not the best photog in the world...we are having a family member take some photos.

Remember how I said my sister-in-law was trained as a photographer? Well, she is not technically a professional photographer (aka third party), so we have asked her if she would be comfortable doing it. And she said yes! 

Yay loop holes! (Trust that we will verify that it isn't a problem for an additional family member in the room to have her camera out, and if it is, well then, A is going to get really.good at photos between now and then.)

I don't really know how I would feel about a photographer that I had hired and didn't really know being all up in the business anyway, so this works out quite well for us. Plus, I trust that my sister-in-law will work diligently to have flattering angles of me, bonus!, and that she will be able to be quiet or engage in conversation and just be supportive in general of the birthing process and how I am feeling. She's pretty great like that. 

A and I talked about it, and we both thought it was great that we had photos and video of moments that we had forgotten about our wedding day - little things, mind you - so why would the birth of our child(ren) be any different? 

27 weeks, 6 days along

...and this is the last day of the second trimester.

On a lighter note...

One of my favorite stores of all.time. is Francesca's Collections.

I fell in love with it while I traveled as a professional sorority girl a few years back. My real title was Traveling Leadership Consultant, and yes, it is a real job, that was super fun and challenging in a thousand ways.

Anywho...

a. I did NOT know that you could get Francesca's online until like a week ago

b. They just opened one in Virginia Beach! Yay!

As I was perusing the site, I came across this nifty little feature of theirs... 

Baby Bumps!

How fun is this? They feature their baby bump friendly outfits all in one place! Love.

So, since I indulge in retail therapy, I ordered this little number.

In the Red Dress

I am thinking it will look fab in San Antonio (or anywhere), can be worn as a skirt or a dress (in case it is too short over a bump), and best of all, can be worn post pregnancy. Nothing says easy access for breast feeding like a strapless dress - ha.

27 weeks, 5 days pregnant

...and I LOVE non-maternity clothes that can be worn while pregnant. 

The Military Wife Conundrum

Remember yesterday when I was all happy and excited about birthing classes getting started so that A could feel involved? Well, then I heard from him regarding the ship schedule.

Thanks to 4 section duty and the schedule of underways, it turns out that A will only be able to make 2 of the 6 of our birthing classes, which are about to start on Tuesday nights.

A Short Glossary of Military Terms 

[as I see them]

Four section duty: every 4 nights he stays on the ship overnight and works the full next day. So, if he has duty on a Sunday, he heads to the ship at 5 am on Sunday morning and I don’t see him again until he comes home on Monday evening. And then again on Thursday – don’t see him till Friday evening, and it goes on and on and on.

**Originally this ship was on 6 section duty, but since some.people (read: not my husband) make bad life decisions, the ship is now on 4 section duty. Except the people making the decisions about duty sections...they are on 12 section duty. (Bitter? Party of 1? I know that they have 'earned it', blah blah, but I am a huge proponent of leading by example, and if they aren't feeling the hit too, nothing is going to change anytime soon. End rant.)**

Underway: “Short” jaunts out onto the big blue sea. His last underway was 5 days, sometimes they are two weeks. And sometimes they are scheduled for 5 days, and then they don’t come home for two weeks. Or more, or less.

…

Now, this situation sucks. One of the biggest aspects of natural childbirth is involvement and support from your partner. But, there is a reason the midwifery requires birthing classes. So that someone who is certified can teach you what you need to know, as both the one birthing the child and the partner. If he isn’t there – who is supposed to teach him? Me? I can certainly try, but the other day I forgot how old I am. Plus, I want to share in this with him, and I know that he is just as upset as I am, as he wants to be involved, but this is the first of many of these situations.

Here lies the conundrum.

co·nun·drum/kəˈnəndrəm/Noun:  A confusing and difficult problem or question.

Facts:

• I am a wife. I have a partner who loves me, and whom I love. 
• He has a career that is actually a lifestyle – for both of us. It’s called the military. I don't think anyone questions that being in the military is not just "a job" - but if you do, come talk to me about it.
• I could not be more proud that he loves his country and his vocation. I could not be more proud to be a military wife. 
• I know that the military provides great benefits in exchange for the sacrifice; I grew up a Navy brat. And truly, I am grateful for those benefits.
• Yes, I did make the choice to marry someone in the military with the knowledge that this was what he wanted for his life and for our life.

Problem: From time to time, I hate this choice with my whole heart and soul.

You see, it’s not that I blame him. I know that he feels bad when things like this happen. And so I try not to react too negatively toward him.

But, yesterday when I found this out, I wanted to yell and scream and punch things. And then I thought about going to these classes alone, and I wanted to cry. But there is no one to do that to. It just makes him feel worse if I direct those feelings toward him, and though sometimes I do that, even though I know better, I try really hard not to.

(Though, if somewhere, we could have a phone number for all military spouses everywhere to be able to call in and record complaints – even if they were never heard by a real person, how cathartic would that be?)

The worst part of situations like these, is that you can’t even be mad at someone, because your husband or partner did.not.make.this.decision.  So, you have to have your little moment, pick yourself up by the bootstraps and move on.

I know that these things happen. It certainly happened with our wedding. (To read emotional posts from me about that whole ordeal, see here, here and here.) We came through that with flying colors. True, we still haven’t had a honeymoon, but we got to have the wedding that we wanted, with all of our loved ones there, on our schedule. It worked out.

It’s just that things like this now hit me so much harder.

Maybe it’s because I am already thinking about how this is going to affect our children in the future. 

Maybe it’s because it is about someone other than me, but let’s be honest, about me at the same time.

It’s just so hard to face the fact that I am going to have to single mom it from time to time, though I am a partner in a loving and committed marriage.  And that it is starting with birthing classes, just the icing on the cake.  I know it is whiny, but I don’t want to be the single gal at these things. I checked the boxes, I have the rings, and I don’t want to go it alone.

Somehow it’s harder when he is here and can’t be at things. These duty nights are just bad luck of the draw.  The underways? He is usually no more than a drivable distance off the coast. If he was on deployment, at least I wouldn't have been planning on being at birth classes together, you know? It’s the constant scheduling changes, the “wait a sec, can we do that that night, let me count it out…”, the crazy back and forth that really gets to me.

Add to that his ridiculous working hours right now, and he feels like he is missing everything.  Currently, he leaves the house at 5:30am and does not get home until 7pm…on the days he comes home. And when you get up at 5:30, guess what time you are exhausted and ready for bed? About 9:30.

Quick math, 2.5 hours seeing each other, 5 days a week (because the other two he is on duty and doesn’t come home) equals 12.5 hours that we see each other in a given week.

Less than one day. Per week.

(Granted that is the minimum estimate, because every now and again you get a weekend where he isn’t on duty on a weekend day, so you get a glorious 48 hours together. Bonus! Unless you are my husband, of course, who also right now works on Saturday mornings. )

Is it any wonder that so many military spouses don’t work? On the off chance that your spouse can come home early, wouldn’t you rather be there to see them than at work yourself? I know I would. It’s also seemingly no wonder that it is hard for us to make progress on things like the nursery, when this is our schedule. And when he already feels bad about missing so much, who am I to constantly remind him when he is home. I don’t think anyone can be that cruel.

I am also trying to selfishly savor the last few remaining days and weeks that we have between just the two of us. When baby gets here, life will get even crazier.

I know that I am lucky in the fact that he will be here for the birth of our child, and that he is transitioning to shore duty (shore duty = assigned to a command on land rather than to a ship) after the birth of that same child – so he will be around. And for that I am truly, truly thankful. We are blessed in many ways, and I do try to remember that above all else.

But that doesn’t make it any less disappointing for the things he is missing out on right now.

27 weeks, 5 days along

…and I love my husband, and (sometimes) I love the Navy.

...and thanks for letting me get this out today.

27 Weeks

This shirt is non-maternity from Ann Taylor Loft. I don't think they would really be as cruel as to put ruffles down a preggo belly, but I love it.

Skin
Doing fairly well. I think that there are the beginnings of some tiny stretch marks starting to appear on my right hip. BOO. They are sort of to the back and I just caught a glimpse in the mirror this morning but can't look close enough to tell for sure.


Also, my linea nigra started showing up this week. It isn't dark (yet?) its just sort of a pinkish line that is sometimes more obvious than others. I feel pretty ok about it.

Weight/Clothes
In the 60s, 70s and 80s this whole week. Happy girl rockin' maternity dresses.


Glucose test on Friday. Eeek.

Cravings/Aversions
I craved a corn dog today, and then remembered i probably shouldn't eat one. Boo.


Satiated craving with a smoothie instead.

Cramps/Pain
Sciatica. Comes and goes. Also, rib pain. Ouch.


I literally googled "27 weeks pregnant rib pain" the other day and it popped up "Your baby is probably stretching against your rib cage." Ouch baby! Which makes me think of "Ouch Charlie". Which everyone has seen so I won't link it, but man are British kids cute.


What did preggos do before Google?
Sleeping
I have slept like a ROCK this week. Awesomeness. Usually that is when A is gone (read: A was out to sea all week) so I feel sorta guilty about that, but whatevs. I HAVE GOTTEN SLEEP.

Mental State
Last week of second trimester! Ack!


We picked up the crib this week, put our new dressers together, took a load of furniture to the inlaws, and today I ordered my crib skirt fabric! Wee! Checking things off the list feels good.  Photos to come of A actually putting crib together, and though our nursery is now a jumbled mess of furniture I am feeling pretty stoked about the fact that it is no longer "the man room". On our way!


Also, we start birthing classes next week. Eeek! I am excited. I think that birthing classes will really help hubby to feel involved in the process. He has felt slightly out of things lately - not that he can really be "in" things at this point since the baby is still.inside.of.me - but you know. He wants to be involved, which is super cute, so this will be great.

Heartburn

Woke up in the middle of the night the other night with so much reflux action I thought I was going to puke. I didn't and since then it has been ok. So, who knows. Also helps when hubby is gone because then i steal his pillows to create a bigger ramp at night for me to sleep on. Sorry babe.

Nasal Issues

Knocking.on.wood. 

The Girls

Still wondering when the whole "my boobs are leaking" moment is going to happen. It hasn't yet, which I am totally ok with, but then the little pregnancy neurotic thing happens where I jump to major conclusions like "WHAT IF I NEVER PRODUCE BREAST MILK AND CAN'T FEED MY BABY?!?!?"

And then a few moments later I have backed off the ledge and am fine.

Fetal Movement

Days of nothing but movement and days of sleep. Wondering if Baby G is on a 2 day cycle, rather than morning and night. Like Monday is daytime for him or her and then Tuesday is sleepy time. Weirdness.

Swelling

Comes and goes. Saturday was the worst yet for no apparent reason. And by worst yet, I mean that my rings left an indentation on my finger. I could still get them on and off and was all together fine. Seriously hoping that this is what I continue experiencing.

Weird Stuff

Sometimes I forget I am pregnant. Is that weird? Like every now and again I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and go "Oh yeah." Or think, "I really want to lay on my stomach now" in the middle of the night and go "Oh yeah."

Full on side shot. Wowza.

27 weeks, 4 days along

...and I waited until btoh me and my memory card were in the same place to post this.

April Showers

I was really tempted to write an April Fool's day post today and reveal a gender to everyone or say we were having TWINS, but I swear, it would have only been April Fools.

We really don't know the gender, and despite the fact that another person I don't know said "It looks like you have two in there!" (hardee har har) the other day, all of our ultrasounds have shown ONE baby.

***

Besides the normal April Showers plaguing the east coast, there has been a torrential downpour trend in our household as well. In the form of TEARS. (good transition, right? I am so damn clever. APRIL FOOLS.)

Moving on.

I want to talk about how TV has been destroying me emotionally lately. We have already visited the fact that I am not a big crier - normally. It just doesn't exist in me.

But, thanks to preggo hormones, and an influx of pregnancy/child related story lines on all my favorite shows that are BREAKING.MY.HEART I have been crying nightly in front of the tube.

Let's visit a few of my faves.

Grey' Anatomy
Now regardless of how you felt about the musical episode last night (I felt kind of meh about it, but it wasn't as corny as I thought it would be), the plot centered around the fact that Callie was in a car accident. For those not in the know, Callie is the orthopedic surgeon, lesbian lover of Arizona (who is a pediatric surgeon), who is currently knocked up at about 24 weeks with Mark's (the plastic surgeon) baby due to sleeping with her best friend because she just got left syndrome.

Confused? Let's just roll with it. Now, at the end of last weeks episode Arizona and Callie were heading to a weekend getaway and the scenes were shot in the car. As any TV watcher knows, when two main characters are being shown inside of a car - it usually spells car accident. Duh. Well then Callie had her seatbelt off to try and get her phone from the back seat, but got distracted when Arizona proposed.

(Please note this whole time I was YELLING at the television "Put your seat belt back on Callie!!!")

Then Arizona also got distracted (because YOU DON'T PROPOSE WHILE DRIVING) and the episode ended with their faces looking slightly shocked and you knew it was coming. This week's episode started with Arizona lifting her head from the airbag, and Callie lying on the front of the car, because she went through the windshield. The episode was full of the staff singing, and out of body experiences, and Callie almost dying 12 times.

Then, the baby had to be delivered via emergency c-section. At just.over.one.pound. And Arizona saves little baby's life. But, GAH, I was bawling at this point. Come on baby! Just have a heartbeat! Fight through! And then, there it is! a heartbeat! for a barely viable baby. And Callie lives too.

Moments that made me cry: 

• When they couldn't find a fetal heartbeat.
• Arizona and Mark fighting about what Callie would want, her life saved, baby's life saved, etc. Clearly something every pregnant woman considers in her darkest moments. Buckets of tears.
• Little baby fighting for life. 
• Meredith crying in the elevator about the randomness of the universe/her hostile uterus, etc. 
• Previews for next week, which shows a VERY SAD looking Arizona sinking to the ground outside of an OR. That baby had best not die. GAH.

Parenthood

I love this show. But there are so many moments of tearing up when you are about to become a parent yourself! This week's episode was especially tear-jerky for a few main characters.

Julia and Joel. Julia is one of my faves. She is the breadwinner who hyphenated her name, and is an ultra successful lawyer who struggles because she still wants to be an awesome mom/baker/partyplanner, while her husband is a stay at home dad, who was a general contractor, but THANKS ECONOMY, he now solely stays at home and raises their precocious child Sydney. And picks up Chinese food, and occasionally builds beautiful pieces of furniture, because he is talented y'all.

Anywho, they have been trying for Baby #2 for a while now (like 5ish months?) which was fraught with tension because Julia wanted the baby, but Joel was hesitant as it would affect his daily life (being the primary care taker) more than Julia. Now they are both on the same page and sort of worried it has taken so long. Julia, apparently has just been to the gyno, and everything seems fine with her. So, Joel heads to get his "fish" tested, which of course is littered with many opportunities for laughs. Then he gets the call - all is well.

So, here I am thinking this is going to be a lesson for Julia on being more patient (tone down the Type-A behavior Courtney JULIA) and then the last scene - Julia has gotten a call from her doctor. Turns out some tests came back and she has intrauterine scarring tot he extent that getting pregnant will be almost impossible. She is of course, heart-broken as she tells Joel and he cries too. SAD.

Moments that made me cry:

• Julia and her obvious immediate guilt at this being "her fault"
• When Julia apologizes to Joel about not being able to get pregnant and he says "You cannot apologize to me for this." GAH. Joel, I love you.
• Joel's tears rolling down his face as he comforts his wife. Men crying. Too much for me.
• Other moments in the show, that involve other characters I haven't introduced here. Christina, son with Asperger's, trying to be a good mom. Amber, receiving rejection letters from all of her colleges, esp Berkley. HUGS.

Army Wives

Now, this show was one of my faves, but has gotten slightly corny over the last few seasons. They must have realized this, because this season has been nothing but serious and heartbreak. Basic premise - follows 5 army families, 4 wives are dependents, one  is in the army and her hubby is the dependent.

Last week, we were teased by the saddest.ending.evah. when the super dressed army guys rolled up in the black SUV with tinted windows. TO A BRIDAL SHOWER. Gah. That is the most heart thumping sight for anyone who has ever had a loved one serving in the armed forces. You immediately know that someone has died, but they were all there TOGETHER, so who was it?!?

This week we found out. It was Denise's son Jeremy, who had already survived one tour of duty in Iraq, and whose dad is also deployed. Oh yeah, and it was his fiance's bridal shower.

Moments that made me cry (besides saying the ENTIRE episode):

• The army guys telling Denise. 
• Same army guys refusing to answer his fiance's questions because she "isn't family"
• Us seeing Jeremy die, flashback style
• The look of slight, but undeniable relief on everyone else's faces
• A seasoned war vet, whose son has just died breaking down in tears
• Same seasoned vet accompanying his son's flag draped coffin home
• Same vet meeting his daughter for the first time at.a.funeral.home.where.his.dead.son.lies.inside.
• Denise and Frank (the dad) sorting through childhood photos of Jeremy to show at the funeral
• The entire funeral, especially - handing over the flag, parents telling fiance "we are so glad our son knew love in his life", 21 gun salute. gets.me.every.time.

And, this post is getting ridiculously long. Is it just me or are there really more traumatic pregnancy story lines than normal on tv shows?


27 weeks, 1 day along

...and BTW, there is no need to remind me that all of this is FICTION. I know.

But the hormones don't.