18 months

Evelyn Rae,

It has been six months since I wrote your last letter, and oh so much has changed. You are full into toddler realm these days in your thoughts, words and actions. You are on the brink of becoming a big sister, and when I look back at your letter from your birthday, I cannot even believe how quickly time has gone and how much you have grown.

You are still a string bean of a thing, though you eat more than most of your friends who are older than you. You have started to become a bit pickier in what you eat, and are a bit of a food snob. Your Daddy and I joke that we can no longer get you to eat the "Cheaper Chicken" - instead you prefer shrimp and salmon for your protein. You are obsessed with dipping, well, everything. we think this may stem from your Momma's obsession with Mexican restaurants and your regular exposure to chips and salsa at said restaurants, but in any case, you never let us get away with keeping you from dipping your food if something to dip in is available. For example, you don't really like bread with butter on it, but if there is oil and vinegar to dip it in? You are in heaven. We may have created a monster.

You started walking just after your first birthday...and haven't stopped running since then. Everyone is amazed at your energy level, and all the adults who love you can barely keep up. I privately think that you are responsible for keeping me so fit while I have been pregnant with your new brother or sister, because I haven't had a chance to stop chasing you for months now.

You love playing peek-a-boo, reading and coloring. You go absolutely bananas over coloring books. You also have a new obsession with Mickey and Minnie that is pretty adorable, though I always claimed in my mind that I would never have kids obsessed with characters, because clearly that meant you watched too much television. What did I know? C'est la vie. You love them and it is cute.

Your vocabulary is absolutely exploding. You say so many words now, it seems like a new one or two words comes out of your mouth every day, and still sign along with many of them. Your favorite words are definitely still "Mommy", "Daddy", and "Puppy". Along with that you love to ask for "Milk" approximately 12,000 times a day, and you amuse everyone by the way you pronounce "Please." It sounds a bit like "Pea-ahhhz". You love pointing to the pictures of your Daddy and I in the hallway and telling me who is in them every day on the way down to breakfast. It has become a bit of our routine. You also point to yourself and when I ask who that is, you crinkle your little nose, shut your eyes and giggle.

Everyone remarks at how "girly" you already are. You are absolutely obsessed with sunglasses, bows (you love being told that your bows are just like Minnie's), shoes and checking yourself out in the mirror. You proclaim purses and shoes to be "Pretty", and your new favorite game is packing anything that resembles a purse up with your most precious belongings and telling me that you are going "Bye-Bye". This is often followed by you finding a door to close on your way "out" - you independent little thing.

You are such a happy child, my little Ev-a-bug. You love to laugh and make silly faces. You love being tickled and give the best belly laughs these days. That was one of the first things I noticed that made you sound like such a little girl and not so much of a baby. Your laugh became so much more grown up sounding, and you added in some classic little girl shrieks for good measure. You make me laugh out loud maybe more than any person ever has, other than your Daddy.

You have also begun getting up to some mischievous behaviors. You are a curious little thing, that is for sure, and you love to explore and consider things. This natural tendency, combined with your speed these days is certainly keeping me on my toes.

We are working on getting your "Big Girl Room" ready, and I am so excited for the memories we will create in that space. I am trying to make it as bright and happy as you are. I find myself daydreaming about playing in there with you while our new baby sleeps near by. I know that you are going to be such a great big sister, as you are such a good little Momma already to all of your baby dolls. You love to put them to bed, and cover them with blankets, as well as feed them their bottles. You pick them up and pat them on the back and rock them. Who taught you all of this, I have no idea. But you seem to be a natural.

You are growing and changing and I love watching your tiny little body develop and change towards being a sturdy toddler. Your little legs are becoming so much longer and stronger as you learn to climb and conquer everything in your path.

I love watching you grow up, my love bug, as bittersweet as it is for me as your Momma. Luckily you still let me cuddle and kiss you, and now, even better, you love to bestow kisses on those around you.


I can't wait to see what else is in store for you.


All my love,

Momma.


Evelyn Rae is 18 months old, I am 35 weeks along with Bump

...and I love this little gal so very much.

35 weeks

As I mentioned in my There to Here post, this outfit is OBVIOUSLY the height of fashion, and hey! look! those work shoes are back! This outfit = how you know this is my real life. 

Officially rocking a SAHM uniform while hitting the playground. It only took 18 months.

Skin

Good. Actually. My legs are still sensitive, and I keep forgetting to buy Cetophil to try that Pioneer Woman solution out when I am running errands. Putting it on my list right.now.

Weight/Clothes

Wowza friends. Back is starting to hurt, etc. Carrying around an extremely clingy Evelyn Rae as well as this baby is putting some strain on Momma's feet and joints in general. On the upside Evelyn LOVES how much I am letting her climb the stairs on her own these days! 

Like, with me right behind her, etc. 

She is actually really proficient and has been forever, but our stairs are steep and narrow and made of 100 year old hard wood, so I get MOMMY VISIONS and am super protective of her on them. Sue me.

Cravings/Aversions

I want all my favorite foods from restaurants this week, thanks. Also, I would maybe consider committing a heinous crime if I could be assured that it was safe to eat some spicy salmon rolls. SUSHI! We will soon be reunited.

Cramps/Pain

Joints are sore, etc. All the normal, to be expected stuff. Also, I have been working super hard with the husband on house projects and stuff, so that could be attributing to a lot of it.

Sleeping

More of the same. There are too many people in my bed taking up room. By people I mean, my husband and my dog and this in utero baby. No space left for Momma. Plus, as I mentioned earlier this week...I AM SO LE TIRED.

Heartburn

...I don't even want to...

Fetal Movement

So fun. Ev has been wanting to snuggle in between my legs in the morning and use my belly as a pillow, which is admittedly adorable, but it is really hilarious when she gets kicked, and turns around to look at me like, "Momma. WTH."

The Girls

Have finally stopped itching! Huzzah!

New this time around

Have I mentioned my lack of awesome pregnancy hair yet? Seriously. So lame. i was looking forward to that lush, full silky feeling without me having to try. And yet, here we are with split ends and damage. Like the worst state my hair has EVER been in. Ever.

Ever.

Someone send a stylist. STAT.

Oh yeah, this again.

The ENDLESS comments in public as you approach your due date. "Boy, bet you are getting uncomfortable!" "Bet you are counting the days!" "At least it's not the summer! My pregnancies were all summer babies and I was MISERABLE."

Kill me now. I just smile and nod and move on. People. Oy.

Mental State

This weekend is set aside for MAJOR house project progress and I am hoping we make it. A and I have gotten on the same team again lately in regards to to-do lists and outs project loads and we are going to rock this out. So, right now I am totally confident in us working together to get everything tackled before Bump makes his or her appearance.

Which I am totally stoked for, btw.

35 weeks, last go round.

(This is her [begrudging] "Cheese" face - "Chez") 

And her new favorite - scrunchy face.

Evelyn Rae is 18 months old! Today! I am 35 weeks along with Bump

...and today, thanks again to unseasonably warm weather, just like yesterday, we hit the park. My girl loves it, and I love to make her happy.

Snooze Button.

Friends. Friends.

Where the heck have I been?

Sleeping. That's where.

Seriously. This week has kicked my but and it's only Wednesday! We have so much to do, but every time I sit down I just want to sleeeeeeeeeeeep.

Of course it doesn't help that Ev has developed her first real pattern of night time wake ups since she was 7.weeks.old. And of course, only Momma will do to snuggle her back to sleep. Oh, separation anxiety and canines. (Will you just come in already?!)

I have these weird little bursts of energy where I get a project started and then BAM. It's like narcolepsy. Immediately wiped.

I just don't remember being this tired with Ev. Was I? I don't think so. I don't think I was even this tired when she was a newborn, y'all. It's almost comical. I am hoping this is a phase? please dear Lord, let it be a phase.

Sidenote: Apparently this is totes normal.

My poor big girl has been getting a LOT more screen time than normal in the meantime. Which she would probably tell you is awesome, if she could say awesome. Instead she just finds the remote and
 brings it to me, excitedly saying "ick! Ick!" Which, in Ev speak means, "dude! You are sitting on the couch again! MICKEY TIME!"

So yeah. When she naps today I am hoping to at least share some photos with y'all of my most favorite Christmas moments. Because yeah, haven't even gotten there yet. But as I mentioned in my resolutions, trying not to feel guilty about it.

My big goal for the day is to get out and enjoy the 64* weather today with a walk for the Bug and I. We will see if it happens.



Evelyn Rae is seventeen months old, I am 35 weeks along with Baby Bump

...and at least my girl is in the mood to snuggle with her sleepy Momma.

Let's talk about...

Second pregnancies, baby.

That's just as fun as sex, yes? Er, I mean, let's move on.

Last night I sat down to "do" my new calendar- transfer over birthday and anniversary reminders (holy crap I must really be a grown up, because some of the anniversaries coming up this year are for 7+ years! And I was IN those weddings. What?!), write in all my prenatal appointments remaining, travel dates I know about (national sorority conference starts ON Evelyn's second birthday. Awesome.), etc.

Well, as A and I sat there, going over the next two months, I was shocked to see the physical image of how little time we have left before our sweet new baby greets us.

So many (SO many) people - friends, strangers, and family alike - have asked me if this pregnancy has been vastly different than when I was pregnant with Ev. In some ways, yes. Overall I have gained less weight, have no new stretch marks (yet. Knock on wood.), my heartburn is way worse, most people think I am carrying lower, Braxton hicks contractions started way earlier, I avoided "fat face" for longer (it is def creeping in though), I haven't experienced any swelling, and my hair which was in the most state of awesomeness ever last time, is now the most unhealthy it has ever been. Hello split ends on top of split ends.

The biggest difference, though, is feeling like I blinked and was here, 34 weeks (almost 35) along. I mean, seriously. I know that I should have anticipated it a bit. This time I am running around and engaging constantly with a tiny human who has boundless energy until she just drops from sheer exhaustion. The never ending lag on bump dates, etc. should be enough proof of this. But I didn't really realize it until just now, looking at the calendar.

Will this baby come early? On time? Late? Some days I already feel like he or she is trying to tunnel out of my cervix.

Nothing is ready.

Physically? We have a car seat in the car (holy crap was that a realization moment)...and that's about it. I haven't dug out our newborn clothes, our room is still our room and not Evelyn's, so while she won't be making the switch to sleeping in said room until well after baby arrives, we still need that space set up for her clothes and toys to move to, so that Bump can have room for those things too. I haven't taken the swing or bouncy seat back out, in fact our Christmas decorations aren't even put away. We already have all of the "stuff", so I can't even go binge purchase things to make me feel productive. Hospital bags packed? Ha. Hilarious. My nesting soul needs so much to be physically ready that just isn't. Christmas crept up on us and was a welcome break from all of our projects, but now I stare at my list and feel like I need to go into hibernation.

Mentally? I honestly don't know if I am ready to meet this baby were he or she to come tomorrow. Am I stoked and excited to meet this little person? Of course. To have a new baby to snuggle close and see discover the world, just like their big sister? Yes, yes, yes. But have I resolved the feelings of anxiousness over how this baby's arrival will affect Evelyn? Nope. Will I ever? I don't know. Do I still have a small heartbroken piece of me that holds her a little longer than even a few weeks ago because I know the days of her being my baby are waning? Yup. Did I uncontrollably start tearing up just typing that last one? Indeed.

A lot of this, I think is my own procrastination that will never die, but also because it is really hard to process emotions when running after an almost 18 month old all day. Much harder than it was when I had all the reflection time I could ever need or want when sitting at a desk in a not challenging enough to keep me mentally stimulated job.  Has part of me probably also been avoiding that processing and not prioritizing it over the "needs" of the here and now? I mean, probably. Human nature, right?

The bottom line is that I blinked, and we were here. I know that all will resolve itself in the next few weeks, because I know myself, and I know that not once in life have I ever failed to make peace with something in just enough time and to feel ready and welcoming for the change that is about to hit me. So, I know that it will happen. I have faith.

I can feel it beginning to happen already in my heart.

The change to peaceful, hopeful and "bigger picture" Courtney is happening even now as I write this. I can feel it.

So, second pregnancies? Different?

Yes. In so many ways.


Evelyn Rae is 17 months old, I am 34 weeks along with Baby Bump

...and I can't wait to see my baby step up into her new role. Big Sister. Crazy town.

34 weeks

This week's photo series brought to you by my new 50 mm lens and remote control for my camera (both Christmas presents from my hubby...also, still working out the kinks. Ha.)

*Also, please not the REALNESS of this week's series. Toys everywhere, tree still up. Oh, Christmas, you have DESTROYED me this year.*

Skin

Getting tighter, that's for sure. My old stretch marks are starting to be more evident, though still no new ones...knock on wood. BIO OIL. It is currently bing consumed at alarming rates since I am putting it all over my body and am now obsessed with it.

Weight/Clothes

Feeling good. I am still about 10 pounds lighter than I was at 32 weeks with Evelyn. Considering I started out heavier, since I never got the chance to STOP breastfeeding before getting pregnant to shed those last couple of lbs. before getting knocked up *this* go round, I am pretty darn shocked by that.

Also, clothes. Meh. I am getting tired of them.

Sidenote: when I was a little girl, I dreamed of someday being a cute pregnant lady, like one I knew, who wore jean overalls and white Keds. I thought she was the COOLEST. Well, since then, I have bought these white Ked-like shoes and RUINED them by trying to wash them and keep them clean, so they are now my "work" shoes for projects around the house, etc. Since we are doing NOTHING BUT PROJECT-ING over here - here they are! Dreams come true.

Cravings/Aversions

I like cheese. Bring on the Gruyere. And no other food please. Kthanks.

Cramps/Pain

Oy. This baby is stretching out all. the. time. There is a thing called the "fetal position" baby. Get on that. Between rib popping and hip popping pain - at the same time mind you, I am wondering just how big this baby is going to be. Granted there isn't as much room in there as there was last go round, but still. Come on baby! Curl up and like to be swaddled and cuddled when you come out. 

Sleeping

Welp, I know this happens for other women much sooner, but for the first time since the first trimester, this week I had to wake up to pee. Straight up, middle of the night, had to go. So weird for me, woman with the bladder of steel, and though I know I am getting off light here, I was still annoyed. So, there you go.

Heartburn

Keeping me up late. And I am so tired and exhausted. And then I can't sleep. Ugh. Vicious cycle.

Fetal Movement

Baby is SUPER moving and shaking. A friend the other day asked me if I was moving my stomach or if that was the baby...and I hadn't even noticed that baby was moving, because I am just so accustomed to these crazy belly swaying movements this go round.

The Girls

Bigger. Like, than before. But I don't think as big as they were at the end with Ev yet.

New this time around

Not taking any birthing classes or being obsessed with birth stories...till now. Weird. I am pulling Ina May back out to refresh my mind and put myself in a place of peace. Plus, I have been amping up the birth story reading again as of late. Starting with my own, of course.

Oh yeah, this again.

The sleeping. The discomfort and trying to get comfortable only to be awoken by a dog or husband taking up my space, or breathing the wrong way in my direction, or suddenly being burning up hot or freezing cold. Ugh. SLEEP. I need you.

Mental State

Seriously y'all. Christmas destroyed me. I am so overwhelmed with where all this stuff is going to go and how we are going to get all of our lists done and checked off before this baby gets here. My worry face has been put on. But, I set some seriously good resolutions this year and I am just hoping to stick to them, and to choose to be happy, even in these hard moments.

It doesn't help that Ev has not been her normal, happy go lucky little self as of late. She is moody and irritable and I wonder if she senses something is coming. We talk about it, of course, but I know she's too little to really "get it". Alas, we shall persevere and in a few short weeks she will have a new best friend! 

34 weeks, last go round.

Evelyn Rae is 17 months old, I am 34 weeks along with Bump

...and here is a shot I couldn't resist sharing from trying to set up my new camera situation

...also. Girlfriend has more clothes than I do, so how I managed to repeat an outfit for her on this series is blowing my mind.

Let it be Resolved

I don't usually do resolutions. But, husband and I have been talking about new goals a lot lately, you know with another little life coming to us that we have to be responsible for and stuff (ACK!), so - this year I have some.

1. Survive and Thrive - Do not be scared of having two children. Remember even in this year that everyone has told you will be so hard that your children are an immense blessing and that someday (apparently) you will miss these very moments. And, as always, remember that Babies Don't Keep.
2. Invest Time in Relationships - Admittedly one of my biggest faults has always been keeping in touch with my friends. And it is not that I don't want to or mean to, for some reason the whole calling and talking to folks just always gets moved to the back burner for me. My friends need to know what they mean to me, and deserve to have that time. So does my husband. So, this year, I am going to make it a priority, even with all the craziness of two babies under two, to keep in touch with my friends and to prioritize alone time with my husband. Hello, Date Nights.
3. Simplify - Husband and I are seriously considering pulling the plug on cable (satellite, in our case). Along with that, I am hoping to be able to create a better balance between all technology and other uses of free time. Additionally, we are purging the hell out of STUFF in our house. More on that soon.
4. Blog Better - Not only do I want to blog more often and regularly, and CATCH UP on all the things I have fallen behind on, but I want to return to the authenticity that I feel my blog had way back when I started this crazy thing. I would also like to not feel guilty when I am not able to blog, fitting in nicely with goal #3.
5. Fiscal Responsibility - Now that we have an actual written budget and things, we are motivated to actually put all the financial ideas we have had rolling around in our heads and have been talking about for so long into actual practice. Stick to it. Be accountable. And responsible. And you know, a grown up.

So there it is, this is what I am hoping for in 2013, wrapped in a whole lot of love and fun.

Here we go!

Evelyn Rae is almost 18 months old (WHAT THE HECK), I am 34 weeks along with Baby Bump (again, WHAT THE HECK)

...and 2013 is going to be a big year. One way or another.

Be back soon.

We are in total holiday recovery mode.

How long is it appropriate to avoid finding spots for your kiddo's new toys by keeping them under the tree? I need to know.

Also, this.

http://instagr.am/p/T_Q4GjrbIu/

Back soon.