Superpower

After all these years of wishing and hoping, I finally have a superpower!

Super Smell. 

It may not be the flying or invisibility I thought I wanted, but it is here.

Yesterday, when leaving work, I all of a sudden smelled cigarette smoke. Like someone was sitting in the car, blowing it in my face. So strong.

I looked and looked and looked around, and there, there it was. 5 cars in front of me and one lane over to the right, someone had their window cracked with a little ember glowing.

"Are you kidding me?" actually came out loud out of my mouth. To no one in particular. (Sometimes I talk to myself. It is totally normal.)

This whole pregnancy thing is wacky. I alternate between super smell and a stuffy nose every day. Stuffy nose, apparently another common symptom among preggys.

9 weeks, 5 days along

...and you can call me "The Nose" ...wait, don't. Ever.

Thanksgiving

Oy. Well, our wine plan didn't work out as well as we hoped. Unfortunately, Baby Daddy had to go to the ship to check on his sailors and make sure their Thanksgiving dinner was going well, etc. Which is really actually great (that we make sure to do that for our sailors, and he got to see them all and wish a Happy Turkey Day), but was unfortunate for us because as soon as he left the wine started flowing.

I held that glass of wine, and pretended to sip it for an hour and a half y'all. Lol. How obvious can I be? I still think no one really thinks it is happening. So, we may still be safe, though we may have planted a seed.

Also, how hard is it to go around the table and to say what you are thankful for and not say the most important thing that we are thankful for??? So hard.

Oh! and Thanksgiving was exactly 9 weeks, so we snapped a photo.

Clearly I am sticking it out a little bit here, but there is definitely something growing...

9 weeks 1 day

...and I really am thankful for all the nausea and fatigue.

Rough night

Last night started out great. It was beautiful outside, and the husband swept me off to Panera for a Broccoli Cheddar Bread Bowl. YUM.

Then, it was so beautiful, we decided to take a walk. This is where things get hairy.

I fell.

Hard.

I tripped over a root since it is so stinking dark outside at insanely early hours now. I was so scared. I immediately thought of Baby G and hoped that everything was ok, and then of my dog whose leash I was holding and let go of when I fell. I was petrified he would run into the street.

Oh, and then I thought of me...and the new maternity jeans I was testing out on the walk and hoped I didn't just ruin them.

The husband rushed to my side to help me, and was my knight in shining armor walking home. I think, think everything is ok...though I have been a little crampy today :(

Me = worried.

I think it may be the new medication that I am on causing the crampy-ness, so let's hope for that.


When we got home, I got ready for bed and began brushing my teeth so that I could dive into my HP books (yes, I am reading them again) and not think about my fall and the awful feelings in my heart I was having.

Y'all. I threw up. Le sigh.

I was beginning to hope that all of this would just be nausea and then it would go away! But, alas it is not to be. My nausea has been settling in on more the mornings and the nights which is better, I guess. But, it has kept right on trucking.

The worst part is, I know that taking care of my teeth is so important, but I gag every time I brush my teeth. and if that is now going to include throwing up, and then having to brush my teeth again...this could turn into a vicious cycle pretty quickly.

Let's hope it was a one time thing.


8 weeks, 5 days along

....and I had a rough night.

When grown men pout...

As I was coming home from meetings last night, of that organization of college women I advise as a volunteer, I was so mad I could have spit! They screwed up, and though it is not the first time and it won't be the last it just makes me so mad because they are better than this! Argh.

Anywho, that is the context of this real conversation that happened last night at Casa Accelerated:


Me: What do you want to do for dinner? I am way too worked up to cook, plus I thought I was going to be home hours ago...

Husband: Well, I would really like something healthy, like sushi. I was going to go and get it for myself, right when you came home, so I could finish it before you got back

Me: (Blank stare) (yes it was just like the boldness intends it to be)

Husband: But, I guess that probably isn't a good idea, since you can't have it, right? (side note: I LOVE sushi with my whole heart and soul)

Me: Yeah, probably not. Look, I don't care what we eat, we could eat Taco Bell for all I care, I just need to stop being so mad at these girls.

Husband: Welllllll, what if we run and grab YOU Taco Bell, and then we can grab ME sushi? Would that be ok?

Me (calmly): I just got home from meetings that made me so mad, I want to punch someone in the face. If you would like that person to be you, yes, please continue with your plan to eat sushi in front of me. (TY preggy hormones for this burning rage)

Husband (in a small voice): ok, ok. No sushi. Man, I really wanted sushi tonight. (Proceeds to stick his lip out and pout. No, seriously.)

We ended up at Subway.

Scene.

8 weeks, 4 days along

...and let's not even talk about my husband only started drinking coffee when I got pregnant.

Lies, lies, lies

We have had to lie our butts off to friends and family this weekend! And with Thanksgiving this Thursday we will only be lying some more.

The hubs and I attended my awesome sister-in-law's engagement party this weekend. We had so much fun, and managed to hide the fact that I wasn't really drinking from everyone.

How you ask? Here's how.

During the champagne toast we stood to the back. During toasts I held the glass to my lips and pretended to drink. The hubs would actually drink. Then we would swap glasses. So, both of our glasses steadily decreased in that bubbly-nectar-from-the-gods-that-i-miss-so-much and no one was the wiser. Yay us!

Our plan is the same for wine on Thursday...much easier since we can strategically leave glasses and pick them up instead of trading back and forth in our hands.

(We are so sneaky! Yesssss! I love us!)

Also, super funny moment. SIL was chatting with me and a mutual friend who is also trying right now (crossing my fingers for them SO hard) and she mentioned that she didn't think either of us would be able to hide it very well if we were pregnant and keeping it from everyone. Hahahaha. On the outside I soberly nodded, but on the inside I was cracking up.

and trying REALLY hard not to just blurt it out right then. BUT, I didn't.

a. it was her night and I am NOT trying to take away from that. Shine on SIL, shine on.
b. we made a pact not to tell the fam until we could tell all the fams in person.
c. there is no c. those were the reasons I held onto with all my might instead of blurting it all out there with so many friends and family that we loved in that very room. GAH, so hard.

I cannot wait until we hit that next appointment at 12 weeks and everything is fine and we can share our news with the WORLD.


8 weeks, 3 days along.

...and it is KILLING me not to shout this from the rooftops.

Photo Op

Here you go - our little peanut!

Can't really see? Here.

Isn't that amazing? and weird?

But mostly amazing. Right?


8 weeks, 2 days along

...and I think that technology is pretty darn cool.

First Appointment, First Look

We had a great appointment yesterday. Seriously, I don't even know if I can put this into words. I have been really concerned about the possibility of a miscarriage since I found out I was pregnant, and because of that I think I have been really distancing myself from feeling excited.

But, yesterday was exciting, and amazing.

There is really no other way to describe it.

I wasn't sure what we would see, of if I would be like Rachel on Friends and not be able to see the baby on the ultrasound, or even if everything would be ok.

Husband and I waited around nervously and anxiously. The nurses took me back for lab work, and started asking me questions. The asked, "How do you feel?" and I cracked "Fat - haha. " Not even a smile! I mean, seriously people? When I am nervous I make bad jokes. They were very nice later though, and laughed with me when they realized I was joking.

Then we called husband back and went into the room. And there it was, the ultrasound machine...screen all on and ready to go. Austin got to stand there clothed, while I stripped down and put the little wrap around shirt on and jumped up on the table with a sheet to cover up my nether regions.

(Also, side note here...I am a tall person, but not super tall. That shirt barely graces the surface on the table behind me when I am sitting there. I inevitably feel like I am mooning whoever walks in. Medical profession? Can we do something about that?)

As we sat there, husband paced around the room, investigating all the buttons and machines without actually touching anything and making inappropriate and immature jokes...which he does when nervous. He was trying to keep me laughing so I could relax, and suddenly it worked.

Right before the doctor came in, I looked over at him and said, "Do you ever feel like you are just pretending to be this grown up?" and he replied, "Yup, and I am certainly having that moment right now."

Then the doc came in with the nurse and introductions were made all around. The doc explained what was going on, what would happen, made a few jokes about how long it took us to get pregnant (since I was just there a month ago for my annual exam and had talked to him about the possibility...little did I know I was working on getting pregnant at that very moment.)

And then, then came the ultrasound machine, and all of a sudden, up there on the monitor in front of me - there was a baby! It looked like a baby. We could see a head, arms and legs, and a heart beating!

I was so relieved, and so happy, and so floored at how everything had worked out like it was supposed to thus far. I kept laughing because I was so happy, and the husband just kept saying "Oh, wow". That little figure up on the screen was moving and flipping around like crazy.

Then the doctor turned on the sound for us to hear the heartbeat.

Amazing. Insert every clichéd thing you have ever heard about the miracle of life here, except when it happens to you, it won't be a cliché. It will be awesome.

The doctor measured everything and said even though the standard wheel had set my due date for June 30th, he would set it at June 28th based on how the baby was measuring.  The size looked on point, and the heart rate was great. He moved some stuff around and showed me other fun things, like how I had ovulated from my right side, the yolk sac, all sorts of things. Then he took pictures of the "peanut", as he called it, and printed them out for us to take home.

I will try and scan them tonight to stick them up here for completeness, but let me just tell you my favorite part of that day and experience was after the doctor and nurse left the husband and I alone in there, and we got to spend some precious moments together. It was awesome. I know I keep saying that, but it just really was.

We had some boring follow up stuff afterwards and blood drawing, none of which really registered after such an exciting moment right before. Also, I am still a little worried about miscarriage until I hit 12 weeks (in a month!) and other things of course that could go wrong, but overall I am so relieved and feel so blessed that everything has worked out so far...........and I will blog about all of that later, but for now I leave you with this:

Marriage is awesome, babies are awesome and moments with your spouse and babies together, are even awesomer.

We had a great day.

8 weeks and 1 day along

This is it!

First appointment today, in a matter of hours.

I am so excited/nervous/anxious (insert Thesaurus here.) So (insert feelings here) that I feel like I could throw up all over the place. Oh wait, that happens every day.

Hopefully we will have good news to share tonight!

Oh yeah, and I am 8 weeks today! Yay!



8 weeks along.

Saying goodbye...

...to my clothes.

I am a few days from 8 weeks and again, my clothes are all getting ridiculously tight.

No worries, I brought photographic proof.

a. This skirt fit, and the hem was a little longer, just two months ago. Now that I have to hitch it up higher to fasten, it is going to the back of the closet into the "I hope I can fit into this again someday section" le sigh. I am a dreamer.

b. I convinced myself I looked totally normal and awesome in this skirt when looking at me from the front. Then I caught this side view. It was too late to change and make it to work on time, so I went with it...and regretted it halfway through the day.

What the heck. Cute shoes though, right?

Oh, also, I gave in and bought a BeBand from Target, so this is the skirt only hooked with a BeBand and not zipped. Are you serious?

7 weeks, 5 days

A week to go...

Until our first OB appointment, that is. I am so excited. I just want to know that everything is okay and what is going on in there is all totally normal. I am nervous, of course, but trying to relax and not be "Control Freak Courtney" (The husband has a tendency to give me Barbie-type names for different events in my life, i.e. "College Haircut Courtney"...)

I have been still feeling pretty continually nauseous, though I haven't actually thrown up yet. Score one for me!

The "girls" are getting a little bigger, which is weird-o for me. I have been holding it down at a solid B cup for pretty much my whole adult life, so yeah. All of a sudden some of my work shirts border on inappropriate. Awesome!

In other news, my clothes don't fit around my middle and I feel like a hippo. No one knows that I am knocked up, so I am sure they all just think I am putting on the pounds, double awesome! I advise my local collegiate sorority chapter, and I had to be in business attire last night with them. A skirt from one of my skirt suits, that fit perfectly the last time I wore it two months ago, looked like the seams were about to burst last night. SUPER appropriate "Advisor Courtney". Way.to.go.

As soon as I get the a-ok (crossing my fingers for luck) from the doctor, that everything is going well...I may just go start investing in some maternity pants. My summer dresses are all getting pulled out for work and being paired with leggings, tights and cardigans to help make them more appropriate for the office. This can only work for so long.

It's hard to think that this little thing, the size of a blueberry, is causing my life to be so different already. I know, I know, and we are only just getting started.

7 weeks along

This morning...

I gagged myself with my toothbrush.

That is all.

6 weeks, 1 day

Another week

Another week has passed. Today I am six weeks pregnant. I have not had any issues since Tuesday, so I am hoping and praying that everything is ok.

We will know for sure in two weeks when I go in for my appointment.

As a show of good faith, I snapped a shot of me at 6 weeks this morning. I don't look that different yet I guess to others, but I certainly feel it. My jeans are tight. Like seriously. It is almost like permanent PMS bloat, and then like 10% more of that. I am drinking more water than I ever have in my whole life if feels like, and yet, here I am, all bloaty. But happy :)

Excuse the PJs, and poor photo taking...

I have never really been one for myspace style photos (read: in the mirror), 

so it may take some practice.

6 weeks

A Spot

I wasn't feeling the greatest yesterday, and my symptoms seemed to have abated for a moment. We ran some errands and things and then I got home and went to the bathroom.

There it was.

A tiny spot.

Immediate dread filled my heart as at the same time I tried to calm myself down. This can be perfectly normal, I thought. Or, it could mean the worst. This could be nothing, I thought. Or it could be everything. I began recounting my symptoms - was I any less nauseous today than other days? Were my breasts less tender? What could have happened?

I took a deep breath, laid down on the couch and told the husband. He responded the same way as me, "I could be perfectly normal, so let's try not to worry about it."

The loss of control over this whole thing is a whole new experience for me. I really have absolutely no control over what happens with this pregnancy. Outside of eating right and avoiding smoke, paint fumes, all the 'bad' stuff that women did for years and still had healthy babies...

I monitored the situation overnight and saw nothing more. I still didn't feel at ease in the morning, and found it hard to believe that a tiny spot, less than what a paper cut might produce, was able to cause this much panic in me. I called the doctor. They took me through some different scenarios and everything seems to be fine. Should it come back I should call back in, but so far everything looks good.

We have our appointment in two weeks, and I think I will be anxious until then.

5 weeks, 5 days