Mental State

Remember when I used to do Bump Updates?

Every week?

Hahaha. Oh, the glorious days before two mobile children were my primary responsibility.

In any case, I used to include a little section called "Mental State" just to check in with how I was thinking, feeling, etc. about the impending birth of my kiddos.

My mental state currently is a bit overwhelming. Today, I am 37 weeks along, which used to be considered "full term" - and though I am a firm believer in letting babies cook, I am legitimately all over the freaking place mentally.

Liam's birthday and party were this sort of deadline that I had arbitrarily constructed in my head - after that was over, *then* it would be time to worry about baby.

Which…

Can I just, for a minute…

Oh, precious boy.

…and now it's over, and I look around and think - ACK!

This is going to be a total mind dump, stream of consciousness, exactly what comes to mind kind of a post. Come, see what is inside my head.

First, I am having increased pressure and contractions, which is making me lose my damn mind. I keep thinking that I could go into labor at any second (which, you know - possible, but not likely given that we are still only at 37 weeks).

This is driving me crazy, because I should be relaxing and putting up my feet, but instead I launch into some ridiculous project.

See: sewing. Sewing ALL THE THINGS.

Alternatively, I am the most tired person in the world. So, I start ridiculous projects and then about half way through just want to go to sleep.

I think the kiddos are starting to get wise to the fact that there are BIG LIFE CHANGES coming their way, and they are becoming increasingly needy and snuggly - which, yay, but booooo.

We haven't had a night without either of them, or both of them, wandering into our bed in…a few weeks. Given that we have a Queen sized bed, my giant pregnant belly, and the fact that they care naught for taking up all the space in said bed, sleep is even rougher than third trimester usual stuff with heartburn and heaving yourself over to, you know, roll over.

The other morning I actually retreated to Evelyn's bed to try to get some rest at about 4:30 am.

That's a new low.

It is also a strange time because we aren't sure if this will be our last baby. I feel simultaneously like I should be enjoying and marveling at this pregnancy and pregnant state more, and that I am so ready to be done with pregnancy. It's…strange.

I had my 36 week appointment this last week, which the whole family attended. {Amusing.}

But, we did a confirmation of head down position via ultrasound, so that was super fun. We got to see G3's cute little profile and the midwife checked everything else out too. She actually accidentally saw the sex of our baby - uh oh! - even though she totally didn't mean to (I'm just glad we weren't looking), because now she is all worried about being careful with pronouns.

 I assured her we just wouldn't pay attention... but now that is driving me batty, too!

We are so close and I sort of just want to know. TERRIBLE.

Additionally, we finally toured the L and D ward at the hospital and I am a little thrown. Not much, as I was anticipating everything we saw, had asked all the questions before, etc. But still - it's different to see the rooms and just how…hospital-y they are, in comparison to my past birth experiences.

Both of my babies have been adorably convenient and born in the mid afternoon, with sunlight streaming in through the windows.

…these rooms have no windows.

Yikes.

I am a visualization for preparation person, and it is much harder to form a mental picture of myself giving birth in those rooms than it was at the midwifery center. I know that most of that stuff will hopefully fly away when actually in birth but it's rough for my psyche.

Considering that our "home" doesn't really feel 100% like "home" yet to me, this is just another thing that makes me….eh.

But it's not all negative stuff running through my mind - I am actually starting to get so excited about meeting this baby. I have had small peaks of it before now, and I feel myself surging into full blown excitement mode.

I cannot even conceptualize myself with three children, and that this new being will be just as loved as the two already driving me crazy with reckless and wild emotion at any given moment, but I know that he or she will be. It's so similar to right before Liam was born.

I couldn't imagine life with another, and then, all of a sudden, I couldn't imagine it without him.

I know that will happen again - but in the meantime I will just marvel at this in-between existence of wanting to know and love this baby, and wondering if I will have enough - of everything - to give to all of them.

I am torn between wanting to meet this baby now and wanting baby to chill for a bit so we can accomplish ALL THE THINGS. I know that we will never accomplish all of it, and babies come when they want, and thankfully, since this ain't my first rodeo, I also know how little "stuff" babies actually require.

But still.

I would like to feel settled. I believe this will help make the baby and other children feel more settled as well.

I would like to feel ready. That the house is totally a home. It is the first home the baby will know, even if it doesn't quite feel like it to the rest of us yet. Maybe it will to the rest of us because it will be to this new one.

I would like to feel relaxed and in touch. I am not afraid of labor, I am not afraid of delivering this baby. But I want to know that I am in the right headspace to give myself every opportunity to have a beautiful birth.

And getting all of this out of my head is one step in the right direction.


Evelyn Rae is 3.5, Liam is 2 and I am 37 weeks with G3

…and thanks to a friend for grabbing a photo of all 4 (5!) of us at the party, too.

28 weeks

*I'm just gonna post this over here on time like it's not the very first bump date I have done this entire pregnancy. Let's roll with it. Thank God for self timed cameras.*

Skin

Pretty good - Japan is a *lot* drier in the winter than Virginia was, which is crazy, because island, right? - but I think it's maybe the heaters? Not sure. But everyone is experiencing the same, if the availability and variety of humidifiers at each and every store is any indication. I have been trying to pamper my skin a bit more, call it vanity at the ripe old age of 30, so it's been feeling better as of late.

Weight/Clothes

I have been embracing loungewear a lot more this go round. Probably because I am mostly…at home. I have been getting dressed and going out and twice this week was told I make pregnancy ooh adorable - which is super nice to hear, but still, strangers commenting on bodies…weird. I weigh way more than I did when pregnant with Liam at this stage, but I don't feel like I look it, so…we shall see how that goes. My midwives assure me all is on track, and I do have to remember that I started at my all tim high of pre pregnancy weights this go round, but le sigh anyways. This may in fact be the highest gaining pregnancy. Crossing my fingers that isn't the case.

Cravings/Aversions

Eh. Food. I like it. No cravings.

Cramps/Pain

Im having some cramping and painful moments when laying down and shifting positions at night, but other than that, only if I really over exert myself during the day.

Sleeping

Starting to be more and more uncomfortable. The heartburn is not good and I am starting to wish I had a Snoogle, but my cheap self probably won't buy one because, hello, almost done already. The comfort level of my sleep could have a lot to do with two toddlers pretty consistently crawling into bed with us as well.

Heartburn

Up and down. Most days, up. Taking Zantac as needed and combining with Tums when I need to. Blerg.

Fetal Movement

Off and on. Swift kicks to the innards every time I think about the fact that I haven't felt a kick in a while…but then again it may just be that I am too busy to intentionally think about it and my placenta is in the front. G3 kicked the doppler at my midwife appt today though when she pressed down hard, which was pretty hilarious.

The Girls

Never in my life have I felt such an urge to go braless. It's really helping my put together, let's get out of pajamas attitude, let me tell ya.

New this time around

I am eating sushi. We live in Japan. All the preggos do here. (Even though the naval hospital still strongly recommends against it, yadda yadda.) The broiled salmon with basil sauce at our local establishment is TO DIE FOR. So good.

Oh yeah, this again.

Discomfort. Trouble bending. Out of breath at the top of the stairs. Realizing that my body will not be my own again for a good long while. Etc. Etc.

Mental State

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I am missing my family and traditions (and grandparents to help out with toddlers who insist on injuring each other with the fierceness of their emotions) while at the same time so starting to deeply enjoy this experience and opportunity for our little family. Plus hormones. 

It is a strange time in my head and heart.

Typical.

Evelyn Rae is three, oh so very three, Liam is almost two, what the actual heck, and I am 28 weeks along with Baby G Number 3

…and that means third trimester. Guess we'd better stop using the baby's room as a storage area. Oops!

28 weeks last go round. And the time before that.

 

Working on it.

I have some goals.

For example, to be caught up on finally posting all of Liam's monthly updates and photos…you know, the ones from over a year ago? …before this baby is born.

And you know, maybe before Christmas.

And to maybe get some bump photos or some sort of documentation of this pregnancy up before announcing that we have a new baby.


So…I'll just be quietly updating back posts over here. And maybe some new stuff. Maybe.


{Like the new background and header. That poor pregnant lady in yellow. She was just supposed to be temporary until I, you know, had my baby and wasn't pregnant anymore. Alas. Here she remains.}


If you subscribe or have a feedly thing set up, you should see the old posts as they go up, even though they are back dated. If not…just poke around a bit. Like today I posted his 9 month update. You know. A few months late. Just a few.


{{Insert embarrassed emoji here}}


And I started a new label, where you will find the first couple of posts I had saved in draft from finding out about G3. Click on the label on this post "III" and it should show them all. All two. From like, July.



Until next time, friends.



Evelyn Rae is three and almost a half, Liam is 22 months (!!!) old, and I am 26.5 weeks along with G3

…and that is almost out of the second trimester, kids. STFU.

Here we are!

Well folks, we've done it. We have moved to Japan.

I am still slightly in awe of this gigantic change in our lives and that for the most part - minus the actually having all of our stuff - we are through the majority of the hard parts of this move.

{Crosses fingers, knocks on all the wood}

It has taken me a while to get back on here, mainly because everything was coming up in Japanese for a while! Ha. Silly inter webs.

Clearly we are all still moving through this transition. The kiddos have been in RARE form, let me tell you. The sleeping has been rough, the behavior has been rough and well…it's all been very roller coaster-ish.

And just when we think they are settling in we throw a new curveball at them. Like, Daddy leaving to join his ship.

Which he did a week ago.

I have been hearing all sorts of terrible, heartstring pulling phrases from my darling three year old since Daddy has been gone:

"I want to go back to Norfolk!"
"I want my friends to live here too!"

and the real kicker

"This is not our home!"

Cue all the sadness and all the preggo hormonal tears.

...Oh, right. That.

On the off chance we aren't friends on Facebook, or you don't follow me on Instagram - we are expecting Baby G Number 3! Due to arrive St. Patrick's Day, 2015.

Year of Adventure, indeed!

Needless to say I have tons of catching up to do.

All those last monthly updates of Liam's first year... which are now about a year late.
All those last few house photos… which will probably make me cry.
AND all those bump photos/updates from this go round! Spoiler alert: We have been terrible about taking photos every week, so they will be truncated. Poor Baby 3.

Now that I can use the internet in English, I'm hoping to be back around this space more often to share our adventures with you.


Evelyn Rae is three, Liam is 19 months, and I am currently 17 weeks along with BG3!

…and - we live in Japan. Weird.

Oh, hell.

Here it is.

The nausea.

The rampant, sweeping, all of a sudden, coughing and hacking and make you want to lay down in a state of zombieism nausea. The super smell that I achieve in the beginning of pregnancy is a definite helper in this arena.

I keep asking my husband these things when I am so tired and sick feeling laying on the couch. All.the.time. I still haven't actually thrown up, just like my other pregnancies, but the constant state of - ugggghhh - is just there. All the time.

Could it have ben this bad before?  How can one little bundle of cells the size of a chickpea be impacting my bodily functions so much right now?! Is this time worse than the other times?

I say YES.

Mainly, because I am *in* this time right now.

And…it sucks.

Guess I will go chow down on some pistachios and hope for the best.

I feel terrible.


Evelyn Rae is three, Liam is 17 months, I am six weeks along with Baby G #3

…and holy crap this is miserable. The miracle of life, y'all.

Round Three.

Welp, it's official.

We are insane.

…and having another baby.

WHAT?!

Let's back up.

My cycle has been doing weird things to me since I weaned Liam. I used to have a super normal, albeit long, schedule after I went off the 28 day prescribed pill cycle. Like 30-32 days. Since even approaching weaning Liam, my cycle was running at more like 26 days, even 24. Super weird. But then the last few cycles have gotten progressively longer.

My period tracking app does not allot for that and the averages are all whackado since I had to get a new phone, the old information didn't save and transfer to the new phone, etc. So, when it said I was a few days late, I was all, "Eh, whatevs, I bet this is my cycle going back to like 30-32 days"

But then.

Day 34 came. Still no Aunt Flo.

I thought back to the one time that something could have happened. It shouldn't have been a "good" day. So it was one of those times that we decided the odds were in our favor and that we would roll the dice. Knowing full well of course what can happen.

And.

It did.

I took a test last night, and there is was - Positive.

{We are like a walking ad for Sex Ed class - "It only takes one time, kids!"}

We looked at each other, over that plus sign and we just started laughing. We laughed for about an hour. We are so happy, and so excited, and so overwhelmed.

Somehow, this newest development seems to make all the other stresses in our life right now a whole lot smaller. House? It'll work out. Moving? Guess we will hit that weight limit after all - break the baby stuff back out! Travel and weddings and 30th birthday? It will all be just fine. We are having another kid!

Welp.

Baby G Number 3. Here we come.

Evelyn Rae is just 3, Liam is 17 months, I am 5ish weeks pregnant with Baby G #3

…and here we go. Again!