Parenthood

It is currently 12:41 am.

I am writing this in my warm, cozy bed. My husband snoring softly next to me.

(I mean softly in the most manly way possible, that is. Right.)

See, every night, Liam wakes up around midnight for what I like to call a "top-off" feeding. Sometimes a little sooner, but generally somewhere between 11:40 and 12:05.

(When you haven't slept a full night in six months, you get pretty precise about this shizz.)

But tonight?

He hasn't.

Still, I don't sleep.

At 12:05, I was surprised that he had yet to wake.

I'll give it five more minutes, I thought. Then, then I am going to sleep.

But five minutes came and went. And then five more.

And here we are.

Because, I know, I KNOW, that the second I snuggle down and doze off...right in that place between dreaming and awake...

(Where Julia Roberts Tinkerbell will always love Robin Williams Peter)

...that is when he will want his top off.

And waking up then is so much worse than just staying awake for a little extra time and playing on the interwebs.

(Holy all things boy band - did you see the NSYNC reunion moment this evening?!?)

So, here I sit.

In bed.

Tired, ready for sleep, and waiting.

I'm giving it five more minutes.


Evelyn Rae is two years old, Liam is six months old

...and this, this is parenthood.

Sleep.

Man, do I need some.

{Don't we all?}

Here's the thing.

Liam is still not sleeping through the night.

Dun dun dun.

We had such a good schedule going, almost right off the bat. He woke one time - every night - right about the same time, would eat and go back down. But, as the developmental milestones approached and he grew and became more aware...he started waking MORE.

Oy.

Eventually we were pretty much cosleeping with him.

Don't get me wrong, I loved me some cosleeping. It was so freaking convenient for nursing and sleeping and snuggling and baby smells and hey, I was somewhat coherent when the toddler awoke at 6:30 even though (just like a boy) Liam wants to stay up and party and then sleep until 10.

{Spoiler Alert - "Sleep when the baby sleeps" does not work when you have a toddler running around too.}

Even though we had Evelyn in our room when she was this age, and I would pull her into bed for a feeding - she went right back in the cosleeper we had. And, she was fine with it.

Liam? Not so much. Little man seems to be a total Mama's Boy so far. He wants all night access to the booby bar, and between his wakeups and Evelyn being...you know, a two year old...I will freely admit let him do whatever helped me get the most sleep.

He was straight up in bed with us. And he LOVED IT. Like, when asleep, if I scooted away from him, he would reach out a leg to touch me and make sure I was still there. If he could touch me, he would stay asleep - if not? Boom. Wake up, cry, you'd better feed me NOW WOMAN.

I was getting sort of antsy about it. I looked at the Pack and Play set up in our room and thought, why the hell do we even still have this thing taking up space in here? He is NEVER IN IT.

{Though it does make a pretty convenient bedside storage unit.}

Until I talked to my Grandma. I thought she would be straight UP IN ARMS about how unsafe, blahbity blah. And then she shocked the hell out of me and said, "Oh, of course! ALL MY BABIES SLEPT IN BED WITH ME." And by that she means all SEVEN of them, folks.

So, I settled back down and enjoyed all the cuddles. But, eventually, we decided - much like his sister - it was time for him to be in his own room, in the crib, all night long.

We started with naps and that went amazingly well.

But bedtime? Bedtime is still a struggle.

We are working on it, doing the shuffle. Keeping him in his room. Man, oh man, is it hard to keep that baby in his room. At four am, with an extremely sad faced baby staring at you? Crying at you? And you know that if you would just nurse him, he would go back to sleep so quickly?

That's hard enough. I remember that.

But then add in that he is crying and may in fact wake your toddler? And that you can't comfort both of them at the same time, so then you're going to have to call in your grumpy reinforcements (aka Daddy)?

Yikes.

All in all, I am seeing the improvements. I am reminding myself that I am teaching my son a skill. I am not being mean, I am helping him learn. And that trying to learn and understand new concepts is always a little bit frustrating.

...and it helps to remind myself that when you are six months old the only method of communication is sad faces and crying.

{He was only a month old here, his sad faces now are much more sad. And loud.}

So, we will be staying close to home this week - and try, try, trying to settle back into a schedule since those pesky teeth have arrived and SCHOOL starts in two weeks for Miss Evelyn Rae.

Oh, sleep.

Someday we will be friends again.

I sure hope it is someday soon.


Evelyn Rae is two years old, Liam is six months old

...and if these photos are new to you, you should probably be following me on Instagram.

Six Months

Liam,

Hello once again, my darling little man. It is here! Your half-year birthday. Six months old and as adorable and happy as you've ever been. I simply cannot believe you are now closer to one than I care to think about.

Like your sister before you, we had a small little half birthday party to commemorate this momentous occasion. And, like your sister before you....everyone enjoyed the cake, except you. Sorry, bud. You'll have to wait for your actual birthday for that one.

We did, however, let you start n few weeks early with some solid foods. You just seemed to want to eat so.badly that I couldn't stand it anymore. I tried a few purees with you and you gobbled them down like gangbusters, so then I grabbed some Mum Mums and you gobbled those down too. So then we switched gears right over to BLW solids like we did for your sister. Your actual first food, even before the purees, was a slice of grilled bell pepper. We were eating steak fajitas and you kept trying to grab it from my plate (because naturally you were in your favorite place - on my lap) so I sucked off the seasoning and handed it to you. And man, did you go to town mashing and gnawing that pepper.

You were aided in your mashing and gnawing by your two newest possessions - your bottom teeth! Hooray for you! They came in within one day of each other, and your poor miserable little mouth was so much happier, and we have a small break in the "everything in the mouth all of the time" routine. Maybe.

You have been looking so big and strong and independent this month. You have been standing against everything and trying to reach up and pull up to standing from sitting. Your sitting is even more solid and your tummy doesn't seem to bother you as much lately. You have begun sitting in the front of carts thanks to some solo trips to the store with Mommy, but you also have gotten to sit up there when big sister wants to be a BIG GIRL and walk alongside the cart.

(Sometimes Mommy needs to keep you both contained and she rides happily in the basket as well.)

We have been chatting about all of the big kid stuff that we will need to be doing for you soon, like getting a bigger car seat and all that. I have started leaving your infant carrier in the car the majority of the time and treating it like a convertible car seat anyway, because you are just too dang heavy!

You aren't really a huge fan of being in the carseat lately and that is because you are on the move! You are rocking out the mobility with what your Dad and I affectionaely call  your "push up crawl" which is sort of a mix between crawling and scootching. It is pretty funny to us, but you make some good time with that little maneuver.

You have gotten your belly off of the floor and have been trying to do a legitimate crawl, but so far, you always go back to the good ol' push up crawl routine.

You really love standing and you really, really, love to bounce, so you spend  good portion of time in your bouncer. So long as someone is in the room with you, you are content to explore and play and bounce and bounce and bounce.

You are just the happiest little baby and you are so, so very happy when you have slept well. Which...is a struggle. You still don't consistently sleep through the night which is quite honestly driving your Mom a little batty. We have started you in your own room at night and naptime consistently since we got back from Wisconsin and you have great nights and not so great nights. I have been trying and trying and trying to get you on a schedule before your sister starts school and ballet next month, because then we will have actual places that we need to be (every week! ack!), but you are resisting with the best of em.

You sometimes take killer naps, and sometimes they are twenty minutes. You sometimes sleep through the night and sometimes you wake up three or four times. (Thankfully there aren't too many of those nights.) Sometimes, you fall asleep peacefully and easily on your own and sometimes you fuss and cry forever until you are held or nursed. There just seems to be no telling with you, my son. But, we shall keep at it. You are trending more and more toward sleeping through the night, but I am scared to even admit that publicly for fear of the backlash of the moon and the tides or some planet in retrograde or something.

You, my son, are just the embodiment of silliness and joyfulness here as of late. You make your Daddy and I swoon with your coos and giggles and your sister is officially smitten with you (when she isn't tattling about you trying to touch HER toys, that is...) Even the puppy is warming up to you quite nicely now that you have real food to share.

You bring so much laughter into our house and I can't imagine our family without your precious little soul inside of it.

All my love,

Momma.


Evelyn Rae is two, Liam is six months old

...and he is looking so, so grown these days. Be still my heart.

A Beautiful Mess

I had a different post planned for today, as it is my little man's half birthday!

Hooray! A six month old!

{Oh, crap that means that he will be for real moving and stuff soon - and I will have to feed him things that cost money. Ack. No! Go back!}

But, when I told baby girl at breakfast that I was going to make a cake, she gleefully exclaimed, "Help! Evelyn help Mommy!"

A month or two ago, I would have said "Um, sure Baby, you can watch Mommy. How's that?" But today, I said - "That sounds like a great idea! Lets get dressed and you can help me."

I honestly thought she would forget. One well placed suggestion of some much-loved Mickey Mouse and I would quickly whip everything up in peace in the kitchen, whilst the sounds of the hot dog dance came floating through the air.

But, she didn't.

All through getting herself and "BabyBrudda" dressed.

"Cake, Mommy?"
"Stir cake, Mommy?"
"Help, Mommy?"
"Happy Baby cake, Mommy? Me help?"

So, I figured, what the heck. Let's do this thing. All the way. It can't be that bad. Right?

All the while also thinking, PLEASE DEAR GOD DONT LET THIS CHILD MAKE A MESS.

She was having such a good time, and you know what?

So was I.

Until... I turned to get the eggs.

She felt absolutely awful. After the crash, the first thing I heard was her little voice -

"Oh Nooooooo!"

"Momma!" As the tears started rolling, "Momma! Cake fell! Cake fell on me! Oh no! Baby Brudda Happy!"

{She calls cake 'Happy' sometimes, which makes my heart explode a little bit every time.}

Then she looked up at me, covered in cake mix, lip quivering and said, "I sowwy, Mommy."

With that, I scooped her up into a hug and told her it was all ok. It was just a little mess and accidents happen.

And you know what? They do.

Instead of the frustration or exasperated sigh that I would have predicted when I thought about all the things that could absolutely go wrong with having a toddler help me bake this morning, I laughed with her.

I showed her how silly the mess was, and put some cocoa on my own nose.

She giggled and giggled and helped me clean up the mess and entertain her brother while we cleaned.

It's in some of these moments that you truly understand the kind of parent you want to be. I want to be the mom who lets her kids help her and totally doesn't overreact when it all goes to hell.

{As it inevitably will at least half of the time.}

Turns out, sometimes I am that kind of mom.

Who knew? If this wouldn't have happened - I don't know how long it would have taken me to discover that this was an absolute non-issue and that I shouldn't have worried about it from the get go.

Of course, I would have been insanely frustrated with myself had I been the one who had done the spilling. But she did it, and I felt...nothing.

Nothing at all, but laughter bubbling up and spilling over into the mess.

This beautiful, beautiful mess.



Evelyn Rae is two years old, Liam is six months (today!)

...and it turns out, you never really do know until you try.

Exactly What We Needed

We took a good, long, exhausting and exhilarating vacation to my most favorite place in the world this summer.

We did so much, and yet we did nothing at all.

We laughed.

And we sang.

We lounged.

And we played.

From sun up.

To sun down.

And we cuddled.

And we explored.

And we ate.

And we took baths.

We celebrated the 4th.

And a little girl turning two.

And we cuddled some more.

And we hung out with family.

1, 2... annnnnd Liam projectile vomits.

It wasn't fancy.

But it was exactly what we needed.


Evelyn Rae is two, Liam is five months old

...and tomorrow I turn 29. I couldn't be more blessed.