Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Waiting Game

The way that the husband and I have decided to go about this whole "laissez-fair trying" business is sort of maddening.

The whole point is so we aren't worrying and constantly thinking about it.

He is succeeding.

I am not.

I can't stop thinking about it. I can only imagine what would be going on if everyone and their mother (our our mothers for that matter) knew that we were not preventing. At the heart of the matter, I am a people pleaser. This is the issue.

If everyone knew, I would feel not only my own disappointment if it doesn't happen right away for us, but that of the other people hoping for our little Baby G too. I know that is completely ridiculous. That people would not be disappointed with me, or with us, per say. But, there would be little twinges of disappointment. And that would be tough. I think about it all enough anyways (is this what "baby fever" is?) I can't even imagine if people were constantly asking me about it.

Then there is me having more knowledge about this whole process than the hubs. It's not that he is uninterested, but it's not his body, so he's not as interested in all of the charting stuff. And, it allows him to be more relaxed to not know.

Which is how it is supposed to be for both of us.

But, it's not.

I am charting, and I know that today will be better than tomorrow, or that a certain day is my predicted ovulation, blah blah blah. I feel like it is insider trading to not tell him. Gah.

And then there is the waiting. It might have happened. Did it happen? Who knows. Those two weeks of luteal phase and then actually being 'late' seem like forever away. Le sigh.

Patience may be a virtue, but it is certainly not one of mine.

No comments:

Post a Comment