Thursday, September 23, 2010

An answer

And our answer is nope, not yet. I had a pretty conclusive answer today - thank you Biology!

Truth be told, I have mixed emotions about the revelation. I am a little bit relieved, as we have many things up in the air right now in our little fam. And I am trying to time out not being a hugely pregnant bridesmaid in either of two weddings I am in this Spring and Fall.

I am also a little bit sad, as the Baby Fever is still present, though I am trying to keep it from edging into crazy land.

That being said, without trying to jinx anything, next month would be perfect timing. <3

We shall see, we shall see.

Monday, September 20, 2010


Well, we are still playing the waiting game. And, wait we shall.

I have no idea if I am KU'd or not. At this point I feel pretty ok with that. A friend asked me this weekend, "Do you feel pregnant?"

After reflecting, no, I most undoubtedly do not feel pregnant. But, how does one feel pregnant?

In my heart of hearts, I don't think that I am. And, I am pretty ok with that. I know that our timing (gah) wasn't all that great this month, since we are intentionally trying to be unintentional. We are weirdos. I am aware.

It is sort of fun though to see what is going on. it is like a little mystery with tiny clues that could mean a million things when you are charting. For example, today I had a little dip in temperature, after being way up from my last post for the last four days. Does that mean I am not? Who knows. It could or it couldn't.

At this point I am almost viewing these clues as a third party. Sort of clinically evaluating all of the options. And, even control freak that I can be sometimes, I am sort of fine with it. (It being the not knowing).

The same friend asked why in the heck I hadn't peed on a stick yet. Well, I thought about it and here is why. Sometimes knowing more isn't all that great. If, in fact, I am late, and if in fact I am late enough to merit peeing on a stick, then I will. If Aunt Flo comes to visit, then I won't. No harm, no foul.

Does that make me less excited? I don't think so. But the more and more research I do, the more I learn about chemical pregnancies and early stage miscarriages that women who are hoping for a baby are heartbroken over, when they wouldn't have known anything was out of the ordinary if they hadn't jumped to pee on a stick so early.

I don't think I can deal with that sort of emotional range in the span of a few days. Not that I can't deal with those specific emotions per say, but I don't think I would be able to keep myself from going all "Baby Rabies" (great blog!) if I knew that that had happened. (You see what had happened was...)

Does that make any sense?

So, while we can still take it easy during these first few months in this new land of tryingforababy (gah! say it really fast and maybe no one will notice you are talking about it...), we will.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Still Waiting...

Welp, I guess I have officially ovulated. Gah. Weird.

When you are "charting" or taking your resting temperature every morning (which then apparently reflects the levels of estrogen and progesterone and all sorts of fun things) and your temperature spikes, that means you ovulated. Yay! Congrats.

Seriously though, the fact that your temperature can tell you all of this. Out of control, right? The human body is amazing.

Actually my chart. 
Proof that yet again this blog may never see the light of day.

I started charting just to see what was going on "in there" and to be informed about my body. It has been kind of awesome to see it all come together. In the coming months we may be using this for a more important process of course. But, like I said before, we are just taking it easy. Rollin' the dice.

That being said, the website I use to chart, has now told me that our "rolling the dice" has resulted in a score of "good" for being pregnant this cycle. What?! Are we ready for this? (Insert logical in head conversation - are you ever really ready for something so life changing? blah blah blah) I am a leetle excited as well, but I think I am afraid to let myself get so hyped this early in the process.

So, we wait. But, as I discovered yesterday - this website, which is freaking amazing I tell ya, has calculated a good date for me to take a test, barring any arrival of good ol' Aunt Flo.

So, we wait. Until September 28th.

If I can stand it that long.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Waiting Game

The way that the husband and I have decided to go about this whole "laissez-fair trying" business is sort of maddening.

The whole point is so we aren't worrying and constantly thinking about it.

He is succeeding.

I am not.

I can't stop thinking about it. I can only imagine what would be going on if everyone and their mother (our our mothers for that matter) knew that we were not preventing. At the heart of the matter, I am a people pleaser. This is the issue.

If everyone knew, I would feel not only my own disappointment if it doesn't happen right away for us, but that of the other people hoping for our little Baby G too. I know that is completely ridiculous. That people would not be disappointed with me, or with us, per say. But, there would be little twinges of disappointment. And that would be tough. I think about it all enough anyways (is this what "baby fever" is?) I can't even imagine if people were constantly asking me about it.

Then there is me having more knowledge about this whole process than the hubs. It's not that he is uninterested, but it's not his body, so he's not as interested in all of the charting stuff. And, it allows him to be more relaxed to not know.

Which is how it is supposed to be for both of us.

But, it's not.

I am charting, and I know that today will be better than tomorrow, or that a certain day is my predicted ovulation, blah blah blah. I feel like it is insider trading to not tell him. Gah.

And then there is the waiting. It might have happened. Did it happen? Who knows. Those two weeks of luteal phase and then actually being 'late' seem like forever away. Le sigh.

Patience may be a virtue, but it is certainly not one of mine.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Jumping and Squealing

Today I found out that a friend of a friend, who happens to be a super cool lady - is pregnant! If we had ever lived in the same state we would most assuredly be better friends in our own right since she is just that cool.

Anywho, she had our mutual friend drop me a line about her news in case I too had a bun in the we could do 'the internet equivalent of jumping and squealing together' before telling the whole world. So cute!

I am super excited for her and her hubby - and it would have been super sweet if we could have been/may still be Preggo Pals, since we are already Bungalow Buddies (both of those I just coined now) and have in the past been Soul Sisters. They have been together for forever, much like me and my mister.

What an exciting time in our friends' lives. It is so funny to think just a few years ago we were all going crazy in college and now people are settling down left and right. The wave of engagements and marriages, then buying houses and now the wave of babies. All these waves of the common phases of life, and they seem like even bigger waves thanks to social networking like Facebook.

Coming soon, to Facebook pages near you - little league, dance recitals and who knows what else. Kind of exciting.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

A letter...

Dear (future) Baby G,

Some days, on days like today, I feel well equipped and confidant that we will have no problems having you when we want you. That having a baby is a natural process and that nature will just take its course.

This may be because, on days like today, I want to be pregnant and then to have you and to cuddle your cute little downy head with my whole heart and soul. I know that some would say that this may be just my hormones talking, and that I may just have a bad case of baby fever, but I know that it isn't. I know that I want to be a mother - your mother.

And this, this is what helps me to know that everything will work out just fine. That your dad and I really are ready to be a momma and a daddy. That we are ready for the ups and downs, whenever the time is deemed right (by powers much bigger than us) you will arrive and we will fulfill new roles. This is not to say that it won't be hard - your daddy is really selfish about his sleep, so be prepared for secret jokes between us about that - but we know that the challenges are all worth it.

We have been dreaming about you for quite some time Baby G, but it is really only in the last few months that a far off dream seemed to consolidate into something tangible and close. Even though you are still our little fantasy. I know that you are waiting for us to be perfectly ready before you rock our world with your arrival - any child of mine will have a dramatic entrance - but I just wanted to let you know, I think we are almost there.


Your Momma