As Blair answered my question, everyone in the room sort of laughed at my visible relief about finally being able to slide into that tub that had been filling and warming since we arrived. For a second I doubted my ability to sit up and actually make my way to the tub, but I shook my head and gritted my teeth and said to myself, I am getting.in.that.tub...now.
I waddled my way over to the tub and slid into the warm water, and there it was...sweet relief. Ahhhhh. The tub was so awesome. It was around 11:35 when I entered the tub, and it was amazing. My whole body was able to relax and then, all of a sudden, there was a break in between contractions again.
They were still pretty intense, but the break made all the difference in the world. My sister helped me to put on a black bikini top that I had brought along. Originally I thought I would change into it before getting into the tub, but when Blair waved the green flag for entry, I had gotten in the tub with all my clothes on.
I kept the skirt on with the bikini top because I didn't relish the thought of juist being straight up naked in front of whoever walked in the room, and had even brought a second black skirt so that I could change into a dry one once I climbed back out (of course that no longer mattered to me after a while).
I was really concerned, in between my vocalizations, about the woman who had come in about an hour after me being able to hear me, because I couldn't hear her. Or, if the people in the hallway could hear me for that matter. I don't know why it mattered to me in that moment, but I was desperate to know that I wasn't the crazy woman in labor scaring other women.
Everyone assured me that I was not.
After laboring in the tub for 45 minutes or so, all of a sudden I felt a "pop". I looked up at Blair and A and said, "My water just broke." Completely calm.
"Are you sure?"
"Well, it feels like a balloon just popped inside of me."
"Yup, that's it."
Shortly after that I felt the need to push. Blair gave me the go ahead to start pushing to see what would happen, and it sort of freaked me out that she hadn't checked to see if I was at 10 centimeters (not that there is a good way to check in the water). All these thoughts and questions flooded my brain, "What if I still have a lip? What if I push before ten and swell my cervix? This has gone by so fast! I expected this to take so much longer!"
With that, I began a sort of half hearted pushing attempt. To tell the truth, everything had gone so fast, and I was so unsure of how to go about pushing that, I knew, even as I was trying those first pushing attempts in the water, that they weren't going to do much. Plus, I didn't want to give birth in the water! What if I was like some rockstar pusher and the baby just flew out?! (Oh, the lack of logic in the labor process) But, I sort of felt my way through it and pushed for a little while in the tub.
It wasn't long before Blair realized that I wasn't very comfortable pushing in the water. She suggested getting out, and though I loved the pain relief the water brough, I was relieved that we could get on to the type of pushing I had visualized.
Blair was about to have me do some preliminary pushes on my back, so she could see how I was doing, but quickly she had to run next door to check on the other woman in labor at the midwifery. Luckily, Nell, one of the other midwives, had come over (in her nice clothes) from the main office to check on things. I loved Nell, so I was so happy to see her! She came right in, pulled on some gloves and had me try some pushes while Blair helped my neighbor.
She saw right away that pushing on my back was maybe not the best, and suggested that I turn on my side. She had me do the whole "Push my fingers out," routine, just to see how I would do. After one push she raised her eyebrows and said, "Well alright, I think we have found your position!"
She patted me on the thigh and said,
"Push away, you are going to be great."
Evelyn Rae is one month and one day old
...and there are too many pictures to share for this to have been the last installment, but the birth is next - I promise.