Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Round 2

I haven't written on this little blog in a while. Like a month, hm, weird. This is mainly due to my new job at work which has me drowning in students. Yikes.

But, also, I don't really know what to write about. I know, I know - write about your feelings. But, I don't really know how I feel. So, stream of consciousness it is. Here we go:

I am not sure if I am preggo'd or not this month. I don't think I am, but I haven't had any below the line temperatures. And, I ovulated early. Weird.

Our timing with this whole rolling the dice thing has not been great, so while there is a chance, it is definitely not as likely as if we were trying. I find myself getting a little more annoyed with this whole "rolling the dice" thing. My type A personality is beginning to rear its ugly head. I mean, are we trying or are we not?

The whole point of this thing was to avoid the crazy, but I think we could be trying without being crazy. It certainly couldn't be worse than how crazy I feel debating whether or not I should say "Husband, don't freak out, but it's a good day, so let's go." This whole guilt of knowledge and seducing my husband because I want to or because I want to get pregnant, gah. It's too much.

For him it is rolling the dice. He doesn't ask, and he doesn't know. He doesn't see my charts or temperatures or whatever. He is just free and easy. Oy.

I try to talk to him about this and tell him how I feel, but he says we are talking about it too much and this is the whole point of this approach. But, I don't think he gets it. I can't stop thinking about it. I have to at least once every day as I enter in my temps. And then I am wondering about all the random little symptoms.

It's not like it is a constant, but it fleetingly enters my mind throughout the day. Mainly because it is my body and I have no idea what is going on in there. I swear I am not crazy, in fact I feel pretty darn relaxed about the whole thing, but since we aren't really sharing this news with anyone else, I would like to share it with him.

Sometimes he is up for it, but more often than not, he just groans and says "We talk about babies too much" But, then he says things like "Halloween will be so much fun when we have babies" and blah blah. I know he wants them, but he is weird about it. This is also how he was about weddings right before he proposed. Hmm.

In any case, we are still trucking along in life, we still have a great relationship, and this hasn't really affected us, which is great. I just find myself trying to constantly analyze why he doesn't want to talk about this as much as me. I am sure it is a normal man thing. I heard once that "a woman is a mom from the second the second line on the test appears, and a man is a father at birth" So, maybe that's it. Who knows.

Also, I went in for my annual gyno exam. AWESOME. Everything looked great, and when I mentioned we may be trying soon the doc said, "Everything looks good, so have fun". GAH.

Side note: This doc also delivered my friend's babies and MY SISTER. So, he has seen the nether-regions of my friend, her two daughters, my mom, my sister, and now me. Weird? I think so.

I think that's all I have for today.

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