Thursday, September 6, 2012

Just Me.

Somehow, I always seem to forget how hard the first trimester of pregnancy is on me.

The constant nausea and exhaustion, the inevitable (apparently) sickness, the crazy emotional ups and downs (which for me end up being mostly mentally challenging rather than outbursts and such). When I am in it, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that this *may* be the reason as to why I just don't feel like myself.

Anywhere from week 6-14 has me

And I never really realize it until I am on the other side. Crazy? Yes. But true.

I am so, so relieved that I feel like "me" once again. I reflected with my husband on our evening walk last night that it feels so great to feel at home in your own skin. I have had the privilege of feeling that way for most of my life thanks to an amazing family who raised me with the confidence to have my default setting as a good attitude. 

So, when I don't have that good attitude, it affects, well, everything else. I can recognize that I need an attitude adjustment and then work really, really hard to get back to my good attitude, which is just...exhausting. And sadly, it seems that the beginning of pregnancy is just like that for me. Good days and bad, but always, always exhausting.

Last Thursday, I woke up feeling for the first time in a while like myself. I had energy to cook my baby breakfast, enjoy the process and the morning sunshine and actively play with her. I had a good attitude without really trying that hard. Also, I could breather through both nostrils. Triumph!

I had an insanely crazy busy weekend with a car breakdown, being stranded at a 7-11 and long hours in heels, etc. so that put me back on the exhaustion path for a minute, but underneath, I still felt like me.

The last few days have been fabulous. I have been taking my baby girl on walks in the morning without dreading them or inwardly complaining about the heat, managing to get some housework done to catch up, and I have even been cooking dinner. What?! Who is this person?

Turns out, it's just me. Just me with a baby growing inside.

I am so, so looking forward to the rest of this pregnancy and enjoying the waning days of summer with my little love (and the bigger one...). I cannot believe that Fall is here (kind of) and soon we will be walking through crunchy leaves and pulling cardigans and boots back out. I am not looking to rush it (can anyone get behind Pumpkin Spice Lattes when it is still 90 degrees outside? I love those things and the thought of drinking one right now is not AT ALL appealing to me), but I am looking forward to it. Lazy bike rides and the abatement of mosquitos and sunlit evenings on the porch.

Most of all I am looking forward to sharing it all with y'all again and feeling like myself.

Evelyn Rae is thirteen months old and I am 17 weeks along with Baby Ferris

...and we are still waffling on the BIG ultrasound decision. To find out or not to find out...who knows? More about that to come.

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