I wasn't feeling the greatest yesterday, and my symptoms seemed to have abated for a moment. We ran some errands and things and then I got home and went to the bathroom.
There it was.
A tiny spot.
Immediate dread filled my heart as at the same time I tried to calm myself down. This can be perfectly normal, I thought. Or, it could mean the worst. This could be nothing, I thought. Or it could be everything. I began recounting my symptoms - was I any less nauseous today than other days? Were my breasts less tender? What could have happened?
I took a deep breath, laid down on the couch and told the husband. He responded the same way as me, "I could be perfectly normal, so let's try not to worry about it."
The loss of control over this whole thing is a whole new experience for me. I really have absolutely no control over what happens with this pregnancy. Outside of eating right and avoiding smoke, paint fumes, all the 'bad' stuff that women did for years and still had healthy babies...
I monitored the situation overnight and saw nothing more. I still didn't feel at ease in the morning, and found it hard to believe that a tiny spot, less than what a paper cut might produce, was able to cause this much panic in me. I called the doctor. They took me through some different scenarios and everything seems to be fine. Should it come back I should call back in, but so far everything looks good.
We have our appointment in two weeks, and I think I will be anxious until then.
5 weeks, 5 days