Twelve Months

Evelyn Rae,

Here it is, today you are a whole year old. It is such a momentous occasion because it is seemingly one of your few remaining "firsts"- your very first birthday. The thing is, though, you have so many more firsts in front of you, my darling girl. Each one better than the last - good or bad - because they will shape you into the woman that you will grow to be.

This letter will reflect how you have changed in the last month, but also how you have changed in the last year. Because, though you may have emerged into the world a year ago today, over the last year, oh my, how you have really emerged. Your personality and essence and huge identity have just come bursting out of that little body in the past 365 days.

And what of that personality? You, my little ladybug, are such a joy to be around. You are simply the happiest child. I cannot wait until I can get a real peek into that amazing mind of yours. You are learning by leaps and bounds - a natural student. I watch you study things so intently these days, and I can just see the wheels of discovery turning in your mind as you connect this piece and that. You are such a contemplative little thing. You have a natural curiosity that leads you into adventures as fast as your little body can crawl - yes, that's right, crawl.

You aren't walking just yet, but I know that it will happen any day. Though, then again, maybe it won't. You have proven your Momma wrong before. You have been cruising around furniture for months, but haven't taken that leap of faith out on your own just yet. I know it's coming and that one day - you will decide to just do it. That's how you do many things; checking it out, thinking about it, savoring that thought and thought process for a while, and then, next thing I know, you are just doing it. No practice runs, just totally in, with your whole body and soul. I love watching the process, the quiet face, then the scrunched up eyebrows and finally the excelling, with a look of confidence as if you knew you could do it all along.

You know what you want and when you want it, and when those two things align, it is so very fun to watch you and the endless mirth that ensues. You clap your hands and say, "Yay!" and laugh and giggle to your little heart's content. When those two things, don't align, however, well, you are not afraid to let us know you are unhappy. You lower those impossibly dark, long eyelashes of yours over those big blue eyes, and have set about practicing the most adorable pout I have ever seen. Or the most mind rattling spout of anger that I can imagine coming from such a small person. You certainly have spirit in leaps and bounds.

The biggest thing that happened this month - that you won't remember of course - is that we told you that you are going to be a big sister! This was quite the surprise to your Mommy and Daddy like you, and though you have absolutely no idea what is coming, I have already started to dream about the kind of relationship you will have with your future sibling. My dearest wish is, I am sure just like every Mother, for you to have a close and loving relationship.

One of support and encouragement, and yes, some teasing and tormenting. It really makes for better stories when we are all laughing around the kitchen table in 25 years or so. You two will be so close in age, I cannot wait to see what life will be like by your next birthday.

You are still nursing once a day, in the morning, and I think it may be my favorite time of day. I go grab you out of your bed upon hearing you wake, and bring you into my bed to snuggle with me and nurse. You giggle and point at things and I tell you their names, and you just absorb it all into that little sponge like brain of yours. I love that we get that time to just be together, and it makes it all sweeter to know that this phase, like so many others will soon be coming to an end.

Oh, bug. I can barely believe that is was an entire year ago that you made me a Mom. I love every little snuggle and smile that you have given me. They have expanded and filled inside my heart, making it so much bigger than it was at this time last year. I know that all of your new developments and additions will continue to do so. Each time you say "Momma" continues to prove that theory.

I love you so much my little bug. And though I sing it to you every night, I want you to know that it is true - you are my sunshine.

Happy Birthday, sweet girl.

With all my heart,

Your Momma.


Evelyn Rae is ONE YEAR OLD, I am nine weeks pregnant

...and, wow.