Monday, January 28, 2013

Mental Block

I'm gonna go ahead and be honest here - when I look back at posts from around this time before Evelyn was born, I am AMAZED at the level of preparation we had achieved. i sure didn't feel prepared at the time, but in comparison to this pregnancy? Wowza.

I have barely done a thing for the arrival of this baby. And yet, I'm not really worried about it? Is that weird?

I guess in perspective, I know what a new baby is like, and that I feel comfortable enough that we will more than likely be able to roll with the punches when this one gets home.

Most of my prep has been to get things ready for Evelyn. I haven't washed a single item of newborn clothes (oops), or read back through Ina May (oops), or any of my childbirth class notes (oops - I did dig the binder out though, does that count?)

As husband and I discussed this the other day, because he feels sort of the same way as me regarding rolling with the punches (can we say denial, much?) we discussed the possibility that we have sort of a mental block about this whole new arrival actually being here, since Ev doesn't really "get it."

I know that may seem weird, but because she doesn't really understand what is about to happen, we talk about it, but not in the same way we would if she was older. She's not asking a bajillion questions about Momma's growing belly, or about a "brother" or "sister" - though she is obsessed with my belly and belly button, and now points and says "Baby" to everyone's stomach.

Since so much of my day is consumed with Ev's needs, wants, emotions, etc. and I can't really reflect on it with her, my moments of introspection, reflection, and mental preparation are few and far between.

Hubs and I are hustling like CRAZY to get all of our "projects" done, which makes me feel better about nesting and preparing - but there is a certain point in the checklist we have to reach before the new baby stuff can be pulled out and added to the crazy - I am just hopping that point gets here before baby does!

Additionally, I think it is helping me keep the "OMG BABY IN TWO WEEKS"ish feeling at bay because I have a few friends all due around the same time as me, but before me. And they haven't had their baby's yet.

Yes, I understand all babies come in their own time, and that I could very well have my baby before they have theirs, especially since this is my second and they are having their first, which typically run late - not that you have to tell me - but I think it is an additional "hurdle" that these ladies welcome their bundles and then it will sort of be real to me that it is "my" turn.

Speaking of that whole waiting for baby thing, I think that it also comes into play that Evelyn was ELEVEN DAYS LATE. So, due dates have sort of stopped meaning anything to me. Is that weird?

I mean, overall they are just a guess by the medical community anyway, based on a 28 day cycle that not all women (including me!) even have, and yeah, my baby came when she was ready - and that was eleven days after the day I had so eagerly anticipated for almost a year.

Now that I have rambled and rationalized this whole thing, which I am sure could be psychoanalyzed into all sorts of weird things that I don't think my presence of mental blocks REALLY merit, I am gonna head back to my to do list.

It is long and crazy. But I need to check things off so that I can get into the full excitement and peace of mind to hit the labor zone.

Totally normal, right?


Evelyn is 18 months old, I am 38 weeks along with Bump

...and the other day I realized that I have been pregnant or breastfeeding since 2010, y'all.

And probably will be through 2014 (breastfeeding anyways).


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