Thursday, January 26, 2012

A Mother's Heart

I wrote this post this weekend while waiting for the announcement of the birth of my friend's daughter. And now she is here, and life is grand. Here's to you little Miss Adrienne Marie. And to your momma, Sherlby Marle. Because I love you both.

As I write this post, one of my best friends in the whole world is in labor. Like, right now. In the hospital.

And when I say "friend," I mean that we have known each other since we were tweens (a term that didn't even exist then) all through the awkward years and on into college. We lived in the worst house ever freshman year, with the worst roommates (who weren't each other) ever in existence, and their gross dogs, and their fleas (the dogs', not the roommates). And then we lived together again later in college when we had risen above all of that mess and were presidents of our respective sororities at the same time and dealing with all that drama, I mean awesomeness. We have been bridesmaids together for our friends, and bridesmaids for one another, and are now military wives and mothers together.

Between the last few hours of conversing with her about being in labor, and the fact that I just got home from my first night away from my own sweet girl (and had nothing but time on the road to think about things) I am a bit of an emotional mess.

I am just so darn happy for her, and excited for all the change that is about to come.

I mean, I used to be excited for my friends when they had babies. But, I can't help it. I am so much more excited for my friends now than I was before. Now that I have experienced those feelings myself, well, there certainly is no going back.

Every time I find myself getting misty about some cute little thing or memory of my own birth story or whatever, I think of that scene in Gone With the Wind...

Scarlett....Can it be possible that--

Can what be possible, Rhett?

That you've grown a woman's heart? A real woman's heart.

I have, Rhett. I know I have.

(Spoiler alert - she was playing him.)

I always sort of chuckle to myself when I get emotional and think of that scene. Maybe I finally have a woman's heart. A real woman's heart. Whatever that means. 

The truth of the matter is, nothing quite changes your heart like becoming a mother. At least, nothing I have yet encountered. You always see the crazy emotional reactions on tv and movies of that moment when the baby finally arrives and everyone is just overcome by happiness and emotions.

And you wonder, "Will it really be like that?"

Well, yes, sometimes it is. 

From the moment you start down the path toward motherhood, however that looks for you, your heart quietly begins to grow. It begins making room for the love that will someday flood into every available nook and cranny. And then that love will stretch and grow and push against those walls that have already done so much growing, and make your heart even bigger as time goes on.

Sometimes that flooding moment does happen the very second the baby arrives. 

Sometimes it happens the first time that you see the two pink lines on that test, those lines that you have been hoping and praying for and waiting so long to see.

Sometimes it happens a few weeks after your little bundle arrives, suddenly in the calm of a moment, after you already think there must be something wrong with you because, and when you least expect it.

Sometimes it happens when you are waiting for the call that yes, it is official and indeed, that baby really is yours to have and love forever and ever.

Regardless of when it happens, it does happen, and you are forever changed, because now, you are someone's mother.

You worry and love in equal measures, and those measures are large. Stereotypes begin coming true in your own life. For me, that means I will never be a deep sleeper again, or at least not for a long time (like when my kids are grown and have kids of their own and have stopped their wild ways...hopefully).

It also means there are now days where I don't wear makeup, or do my hair, or get out of my pajamas. Not because I am depressed, but because I am busy playing with and loving on my little bug. 

Even when I do get frazzled and annoyed by little things, I can flip my attitude in a half a heartbeat, because those things seem so minute when I glance over to see a big gummy smile or baby giggle coming at me, or those big blue eyes staring at something simple in wonder and amazement. Those moments fly, and they build you up and break your heart at the same time.

And there it is, in short, I think I do in fact have a mother's heart.

Evelyn Rae is six months old

...and she is so excited to meet her new friend Adrienne. If they are half as cool as their moms, they will be the best of friends in no time. Love ya Sherbs. 


  1. Replies
    1. Thanks! And I appreciate your blogging resolution to comment on more blogs! I really need to do the same. <3